So today is my last day of break before summer classes. What did I do? A lot of things. The first being getting up and going down to Easter Seals, to see Camp Sunnyside, and to know that I am on the advocacy email list for them. I learned a lot from going about all the services they provide, and am looking forward to future opportunities with them.
I then decided to go on a hunt for a Thor bobblehead. For those that don't know I collect bobbleheads. Specifically the Funko Pop! variety. My search was unsuccessful, but I did end up getting a Gus Gus bobblehead from Cinderella, from BAM so go them. My search continues. However, I do have three bobbleheads coming to me, that I ordered online, so not for a while with the searching.
Which brings me to, everybody collects something, what's yours? CP or no CP, you have to do something to keep your mind sane, I also seem to collect CDs as well as shoes...I guess that means I'm a lady with many interests. I also make some of my own jewelery, and collect whatever I didn't make as well.
Another tip I guess, find something you like to collect, and collect it. Not all at once, but definitely to reward yourself periodically. It's one of the few ways to stay sane.
Also, with going back to class that means I'll be writing a little less. So please check back! Don't forget to follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoach. I'm so glad to see people comment, so please do! Thank you for reading, and let me know what you want me to write about!
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Monday, May 25, 2015
So Today is Memorial Day...
So today is Memorial Day. A day to remember those who served, or are serving, maybe even loved ones who went before you. Hopefully you've taken some time out of your day to remember. I know I have, my Mom and I just finished a trip around to the family at cemeteries on both sides.
It's strange to think how much has changed throughout going over the years. Some years I didn't even go, then there were others I went with my mom, and dad. Then other times with my mom and grandparents. Then there was my Dad leaving on memorial day 5 years ago.
Who all am I remembering?
My grandparents passing, first my grandfather in 2010, then my grandmother in 2012. I remember going to the graves the best when I was with them. The stories they would tell at each family member's grave. I miss them everyday but learned to enjoy seeing purple semis, never waste a good shrimp, and developed an undying love for shoes and stuffed animals from them. They always thought they embarrassed me by dancing in the stores and malls. The truth is though, I was always proud they were actually good, and that they had the guts to do it. It's at this point that tears start streaming down my cheeks writing this, but I shall continue on! They were two of my biggest supporters, and never treated me like I was any different because of my CP. They treated me like I was grandchild number 13, the youngest of the bunch.
Then there is Melba, the M, in my Lindsay M. My grandmother on my Dad's side of the family, murdered, when my father was all too young. I never met her, and have only seen pictures. But it is her murder that inspired me to seek a B.A. in Criminology&Criminal Justice, and Sociology...It was also what inspired me to go back and get my paralegal certificate. So even though I never knew her, it was her life that has impacted me greatly.
Then there is my Uncle. Whom I never knew that well. But knew enough to know how great a guy he was, and that I didn't have to know him that well, we were family, that's all I really needed to know. He also never criticized me for being quiet, and always commented that I was growing up too fast, I would tend to agree looking back on things.
It is from these people I learned some of the most important things, and can only hope I'm making them proud.
It's strange to think how much has changed throughout going over the years. Some years I didn't even go, then there were others I went with my mom, and dad. Then other times with my mom and grandparents. Then there was my Dad leaving on memorial day 5 years ago.
Who all am I remembering?
My grandparents passing, first my grandfather in 2010, then my grandmother in 2012. I remember going to the graves the best when I was with them. The stories they would tell at each family member's grave. I miss them everyday but learned to enjoy seeing purple semis, never waste a good shrimp, and developed an undying love for shoes and stuffed animals from them. They always thought they embarrassed me by dancing in the stores and malls. The truth is though, I was always proud they were actually good, and that they had the guts to do it. It's at this point that tears start streaming down my cheeks writing this, but I shall continue on! They were two of my biggest supporters, and never treated me like I was any different because of my CP. They treated me like I was grandchild number 13, the youngest of the bunch.
Then there is Melba, the M, in my Lindsay M. My grandmother on my Dad's side of the family, murdered, when my father was all too young. I never met her, and have only seen pictures. But it is her murder that inspired me to seek a B.A. in Criminology&Criminal Justice, and Sociology...It was also what inspired me to go back and get my paralegal certificate. So even though I never knew her, it was her life that has impacted me greatly.
Then there is my Uncle. Whom I never knew that well. But knew enough to know how great a guy he was, and that I didn't have to know him that well, we were family, that's all I really needed to know. He also never criticized me for being quiet, and always commented that I was growing up too fast, I would tend to agree looking back on things.
It is from these people I learned some of the most important things, and can only hope I'm making them proud.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Tips For Handling Stressful Situations
Throughout my time on this planet, I have been through a lot of stressful situations, so I thought I'd share some tips for getting through them.
1. Know that there will be life after whatever your situation may be. Even if you are considering suicide. There will still be those that will live after such,just what kind of mood will they be in? Don't do it, please. It's only temporary.
2. Know that you are a person worthy of anything. You deserve the best, know it, and don't let your situation get you down.
3. If you have anxiety, like I do, get some play-doh. Either from a store or make some. Then keep some with you at all times. Use it when feeling anxious, about things.
4. Know that your friends and family love you, and would want no harm to come to you.
5. Keep in touch with friends and family. Talk to someone, get your emotions out, it's the only way you'll be able to move on.
6. If the feelings still last, for any length of time, seek professional help. They could be just the people to have some idea to get you through.
7. Then there is death, death of a family member or friend. While I've only lost grandparents and an uncle, everyone must eventually die. As that may be, these situations can be stressful on a person, know that they will no longer suffer, and that their memory will still live on. You don't forget them, just remember in more thoughtful detail.
1. Know that there will be life after whatever your situation may be. Even if you are considering suicide. There will still be those that will live after such,just what kind of mood will they be in? Don't do it, please. It's only temporary.
2. Know that you are a person worthy of anything. You deserve the best, know it, and don't let your situation get you down.
3. If you have anxiety, like I do, get some play-doh. Either from a store or make some. Then keep some with you at all times. Use it when feeling anxious, about things.
4. Know that your friends and family love you, and would want no harm to come to you.
5. Keep in touch with friends and family. Talk to someone, get your emotions out, it's the only way you'll be able to move on.
6. If the feelings still last, for any length of time, seek professional help. They could be just the people to have some idea to get you through.
7. Then there is death, death of a family member or friend. While I've only lost grandparents and an uncle, everyone must eventually die. As that may be, these situations can be stressful on a person, know that they will no longer suffer, and that their memory will still live on. You don't forget them, just remember in more thoughtful detail.
Saturday, May 23, 2015
One Time Only
So for those that don't know, I was told by a friend to talk more about relationships. So I'll go for the obvious with this one.
I'm single. I'm really not in a relationship right now. If you wanted me to write a blog on dating with CP, good luck, that would be the shortest blog ever, because I don't date. Not to say I would never go out on one, just not right now since I seem to be a little career focused. It's also a little hard when you think about it, as males my age (25) tend to flock to bars. The ones that don't are usually already in relationships, or are career focused themselves. Sorry to disappoint, but I just don't see me finding a lasting relationship in a bar, especially when I can't drink due to medication.
Then there is age, which is a very important number, go too much younger than me, and you're into past client age from when I worked at a youth shelter. I just can't do that. Too weird for me.
Then there is time, relationships take a lot of time. Time I don't have right now between school, work, and my advocacy. I'm a busy lady. While yes, I have male friends, that's about all I have time for right now.
Then you have the fact that I'm still hurt from what happened with my parents. Something I don't think my father truly grasps, what he did, when he didn't tell me himself that he was leaving. I have trust issues with males in general, that's something I have yet to fully work through, but I'm getting there.
Then there is all the times I have been judged by males based solely on my appearance in a less than favorable light. By males that were out to belittle me, and make me feel bad. How would a guy handle me having CP, would he be cool about it like one of my friends? View me as only a friend? Or look down upon me as a lesser human being?
I guess I do have that one ex to look back on. He did handle me having CP, and was always at the ready to assist if need be, despite him turning out to be a rather shallow individual in the end. (Please see my post "Ugly" for more detail) He never used my CP against me.
Then you have the fact that growing up I was always kept separate from the boys at family gatherings. I was never allowed to go off with my brother and male cousins, my Dad wouldn't let me. I was never sure why but I was socialized not to go play with the boys,except my ex, putting a riff in communication between me and the opposite sex. So much so I feel I still struggle to this day communicating and connecting with males. That's why I only have a few male friends, and we don't talk that often. Working on it though, working on it!
So in conclusion I'm single, not because of my CP, but by choice. The few male friendships I have right now I do cherish as much as I do my other friendships. I really don't think it necessary to be dependent upon some guy for a feeling of self-worth right now. (Not saying that if you are in a relationship you are, but often times is the case). I mean if I really wanted to, guys can't be that hard to figure out, I just don't want to. This is my plea, please DO NOT set me up. I simply don't have time for anything besides friends...
I'm single. I'm really not in a relationship right now. If you wanted me to write a blog on dating with CP, good luck, that would be the shortest blog ever, because I don't date. Not to say I would never go out on one, just not right now since I seem to be a little career focused. It's also a little hard when you think about it, as males my age (25) tend to flock to bars. The ones that don't are usually already in relationships, or are career focused themselves. Sorry to disappoint, but I just don't see me finding a lasting relationship in a bar, especially when I can't drink due to medication.
Then there is age, which is a very important number, go too much younger than me, and you're into past client age from when I worked at a youth shelter. I just can't do that. Too weird for me.
Then there is time, relationships take a lot of time. Time I don't have right now between school, work, and my advocacy. I'm a busy lady. While yes, I have male friends, that's about all I have time for right now.
Then you have the fact that I'm still hurt from what happened with my parents. Something I don't think my father truly grasps, what he did, when he didn't tell me himself that he was leaving. I have trust issues with males in general, that's something I have yet to fully work through, but I'm getting there.
Then there is all the times I have been judged by males based solely on my appearance in a less than favorable light. By males that were out to belittle me, and make me feel bad. How would a guy handle me having CP, would he be cool about it like one of my friends? View me as only a friend? Or look down upon me as a lesser human being?
I guess I do have that one ex to look back on. He did handle me having CP, and was always at the ready to assist if need be, despite him turning out to be a rather shallow individual in the end. (Please see my post "Ugly" for more detail) He never used my CP against me.
Then you have the fact that growing up I was always kept separate from the boys at family gatherings. I was never allowed to go off with my brother and male cousins, my Dad wouldn't let me. I was never sure why but I was socialized not to go play with the boys,except my ex, putting a riff in communication between me and the opposite sex. So much so I feel I still struggle to this day communicating and connecting with males. That's why I only have a few male friends, and we don't talk that often. Working on it though, working on it!
So in conclusion I'm single, not because of my CP, but by choice. The few male friendships I have right now I do cherish as much as I do my other friendships. I really don't think it necessary to be dependent upon some guy for a feeling of self-worth right now. (Not saying that if you are in a relationship you are, but often times is the case). I mean if I really wanted to, guys can't be that hard to figure out, I just don't want to. This is my plea, please DO NOT set me up. I simply don't have time for anything besides friends...
Friday, May 22, 2015
Ugly
My first question is why does this word even exist? When one word is so subjective. What one considers ugly may be beautiful to another. When one can come up with no other argument, they go to ugly, the purely physical insult.
I was told to talk more about friendships/relationships so I will.
My first "boyfriend" (If you can really call him that at ages 5-8 approximately, but hey friends asked my permission to ask him out in high school, so it counts! Anyways...) I had dumped, with good reasons. When we finally reached high school, we tried being friends again. He would later go on to tell me that we couldn't be friends because I was so ugly...He then asked out one of my best friends that was sitting right beside me during the name calling. She said no. *Note-I never said he was smart*.
Did I believe him? For a short while. Yes, I believed I was. Then I remembered that in comparison to my five year old self, yeah I probably was not as cute. What I had become was a beautiful person on the inside, something he had missed, in a fit of anger. I had said no rebuttal to the ugly comment that day, I couldn't come up with anything, our mutual friends were sitting right there, and he had just been turned down, I felt it punishment enough. It was not until after that I realized, he had become an ugly person on the inside.
I have seen this argument come up so many times in life, and on social media. Often used when a person can come up with no better argument then to attack the purely physical appearance. These people mean what they say, but it is just that, their opinion, and a reflection of what's on their own insides.
As always be sure to comment with what you think I should write about! I should have it fixed so you can comment anonymously even! And don't forget to follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoach !
I was told to talk more about friendships/relationships so I will.
My first "boyfriend" (If you can really call him that at ages 5-8 approximately, but hey friends asked my permission to ask him out in high school, so it counts! Anyways...) I had dumped, with good reasons. When we finally reached high school, we tried being friends again. He would later go on to tell me that we couldn't be friends because I was so ugly...He then asked out one of my best friends that was sitting right beside me during the name calling. She said no. *Note-I never said he was smart*.
Did I believe him? For a short while. Yes, I believed I was. Then I remembered that in comparison to my five year old self, yeah I probably was not as cute. What I had become was a beautiful person on the inside, something he had missed, in a fit of anger. I had said no rebuttal to the ugly comment that day, I couldn't come up with anything, our mutual friends were sitting right there, and he had just been turned down, I felt it punishment enough. It was not until after that I realized, he had become an ugly person on the inside.
I have seen this argument come up so many times in life, and on social media. Often used when a person can come up with no better argument then to attack the purely physical appearance. These people mean what they say, but it is just that, their opinion, and a reflection of what's on their own insides.
As always be sure to comment with what you think I should write about! I should have it fixed so you can comment anonymously even! And don't forget to follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoach !
Thursday, May 21, 2015
The Kindness of Strangers
Throughout my life, there is one thing I have always gladly accepted. That is the kindness of strangers.These people are not friends, are not family, yet they choose to do the right thing and help a fellow human being. I guess that could be said of so many people, and if I only knew their names, but then they would not be strangers, I suppose.
How have they helped me? In so many ways. After I'd fallen on an ice patch, to help me up. After I had twisted my ankle while tripping, making sure I was okay. Trying to get my bag out of the overhead compartment on the plane ride home. Lending a hand on the stairs. Offering to carry something for me. More help on the stairs.
It's these people that totally make my day. They don't ask what's wrong, they just simply do what is right. It's without these people that I would not be able to get by. I would not have the independence that I have. I would then have to depend on my friends and family for help everywhere I went. That would eventually lead to a strain on those relationships. I can only hope that I in turn do my part whenever possible to help.
As always, let me know what to write about! And don't forget to follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoach !
How have they helped me? In so many ways. After I'd fallen on an ice patch, to help me up. After I had twisted my ankle while tripping, making sure I was okay. Trying to get my bag out of the overhead compartment on the plane ride home. Lending a hand on the stairs. Offering to carry something for me. More help on the stairs.
It's these people that totally make my day. They don't ask what's wrong, they just simply do what is right. It's without these people that I would not be able to get by. I would not have the independence that I have. I would then have to depend on my friends and family for help everywhere I went. That would eventually lead to a strain on those relationships. I can only hope that I in turn do my part whenever possible to help.
As always, let me know what to write about! And don't forget to follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoach !
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Goals for the Future...
Thought I'd take a suggestion from the audience& a good friend.... So these are goals I have for the future...
1. Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Universal Orlando's theme park
2. Graduate from DMACC with my paralegal certificate
3. Get job with said certificate
4. Ultimate dream job would be Amazon's legal department, specifically the copyright law area as a paralegal, however, that's in Seattle.
5. After obtaining job, move out once through probationary period.
6. Travel to see all of my extended family, where they live, rather than meet up in Iowa for a funeral, as what usually happens.
7. Travel to see the US.
8. Travel the world-wherever that takes me, I have friends that are kinda spread out right now.
9. Visit my friends that live outside of Ames, that some I have not seen since high school. Again, before it comes down to reunions in Ames.
10. Reconnect with those I don't see on a regular basis (so if I see you at least once a week, you're fine)
11. Become a known advocate for cerebral palsy awareness
12. Never miss another teachable moment.
13. Travel as an advocate for cerebral palsy awareness
14. Live in Colorado (Not during the winter)
15. Live in Louisiana-yes I love Cajun flavored food (Not during hurricane season)
16. Find spicy food-so spicy, I cannot finish it.
17. Visit my brother and get to all the places we didn't get to go my first trip out to CA
18. Be happy, I already am, I just want to keep on with that
19. Continue blogging
20. Maybe become a published author-just what would I write about for that many pages? I like my writing like me-short,sweet, and to the point...
21. Finally make it to Zombie Burger...
So there you have it, my goals for the future. Hope you're happy with the list my old friend that suggested this. Note I didn't say anything about relationships, and that's cuz it's just not a goal of mine. The relationships I'm supposed to have, I'll have.
1. Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Universal Orlando's theme park
2. Graduate from DMACC with my paralegal certificate
3. Get job with said certificate
4. Ultimate dream job would be Amazon's legal department, specifically the copyright law area as a paralegal, however, that's in Seattle.
5. After obtaining job, move out once through probationary period.
6. Travel to see all of my extended family, where they live, rather than meet up in Iowa for a funeral, as what usually happens.
7. Travel to see the US.
8. Travel the world-wherever that takes me, I have friends that are kinda spread out right now.
9. Visit my friends that live outside of Ames, that some I have not seen since high school. Again, before it comes down to reunions in Ames.
10. Reconnect with those I don't see on a regular basis (so if I see you at least once a week, you're fine)
11. Become a known advocate for cerebral palsy awareness
12. Never miss another teachable moment.
13. Travel as an advocate for cerebral palsy awareness
14. Live in Colorado (Not during the winter)
15. Live in Louisiana-yes I love Cajun flavored food (Not during hurricane season)
16. Find spicy food-so spicy, I cannot finish it.
17. Visit my brother and get to all the places we didn't get to go my first trip out to CA
18. Be happy, I already am, I just want to keep on with that
19. Continue blogging
20. Maybe become a published author-just what would I write about for that many pages? I like my writing like me-short,sweet, and to the point...
21. Finally make it to Zombie Burger...
So there you have it, my goals for the future. Hope you're happy with the list my old friend that suggested this. Note I didn't say anything about relationships, and that's cuz it's just not a goal of mine. The relationships I'm supposed to have, I'll have.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Disabilities in the Media
I don't normally rant, but when I do...
Anyways here I go. How many TV shows or movies can you think of that have characters with disabilities?...Now how many of those characters are in wheelchairs? Are deaf and go to a special school? How many walk among the "normal" people? How many are accepted by their peers? Treated normally?
What I'm trying to say is that if you need a character with a disability they are most likely in a wheelchair or deaf. Does that really represent disabilities correctly? No. Are those ever the main characters, maybe, but they are usually treated differently. Now I don't know about other people with CP, I can only speak for myself. But CP is not as well represented in the media that is television and movies, or at least not growing up. Now granted there was a Miss Iowa that has CP,in like 2008 I believe, and there was a comedian with CP. But that's about it. There were no TV shows that had someone with CP fitting in, being considered normal among their peers. If anything there was a show that had a kid in a wheelchair being taken care of. Or a deaf kid, being taken care of. Nothing like what I've actually experienced, nothing like that of a normal life, and oh, by the way, they have CP. My point is this, if disabilities ARE represented it's usually with a wheelchair, the characters, are usually looked down upon, it's never anyone with a mild disability that has assimilated into the norm. Nothing like what I actually experienced. There needs to be better representation of CP in the media. There needs to be a more accurate portrayal in the media. Now if any show writers that happen to be in the biz see this. I demand half credit for having given you this idea, I'm serious...
Anyways here I go. How many TV shows or movies can you think of that have characters with disabilities?...Now how many of those characters are in wheelchairs? Are deaf and go to a special school? How many walk among the "normal" people? How many are accepted by their peers? Treated normally?
What I'm trying to say is that if you need a character with a disability they are most likely in a wheelchair or deaf. Does that really represent disabilities correctly? No. Are those ever the main characters, maybe, but they are usually treated differently. Now I don't know about other people with CP, I can only speak for myself. But CP is not as well represented in the media that is television and movies, or at least not growing up. Now granted there was a Miss Iowa that has CP,in like 2008 I believe, and there was a comedian with CP. But that's about it. There were no TV shows that had someone with CP fitting in, being considered normal among their peers. If anything there was a show that had a kid in a wheelchair being taken care of. Or a deaf kid, being taken care of. Nothing like what I've actually experienced, nothing like that of a normal life, and oh, by the way, they have CP. My point is this, if disabilities ARE represented it's usually with a wheelchair, the characters, are usually looked down upon, it's never anyone with a mild disability that has assimilated into the norm. Nothing like what I actually experienced. There needs to be better representation of CP in the media. There needs to be a more accurate portrayal in the media. Now if any show writers that happen to be in the biz see this. I demand half credit for having given you this idea, I'm serious...
Monday, May 18, 2015
Typing...
So with a few hours left before I have to go to work, I thought I'd blog a little. Typing with CP has always been an issue. I don't type normally. I can't, again it's in the details. Granted I haven't really let it slow me down. I still graduated a semester early, I still got all As and a B in school this last semester.
I just type mostly with my left hand. I also do type at a slower rate, at 30 wpm (words per minute) whereas a legal secretary types at an average of 90 wpm. Luckily I'm studying to become a paralegal. So I'm hoping that doesn't factor in as much. Otherwise they should really make a certain wpm required for entrance into the program.
Now through school growing up and even at ISU I never got disability assistance.I know I was evaluated in grade school, after the evaluator finally realized I was the one to be evaluated. Like I've said before I can usually hide my CP if I want to. Even back then. However being at DMACC, has forced me to seek disability assistance. Since I couldn't type as fast, I decided to get that buffer so that I could get extra time on in-class writing assignments if needed. Since my professor couldn't give me extra time without documentation, and I get that. I had to. I was again so afraid of being talked down to. However, the campus disability services liaison is really understanding of my CP, and knows that when it comes to my intelligence, I'm just fine, my CP is a purely physical disability. So I guess disability services isn't that bad, and I let my own stereotypes get to me at first.
There are people out there that will talk down to a person with a physical disability though, and that's probably what I hate most. It's what I fear the most, that once I can no longer hide my CP, that someone will start talking to me like I have the comprehension like that of a four year old. Typing is a dead give away that something is not normal with my right hand. I feel vulnerable to ridicule when I'm typing. I also feel bad when someone just tells me to type normally, I suppose I should feel flattered that again, they think I'm normal, but no. Just really, no. I'm not. I'll never be normal, and that's okay. Being normal sounds boring anyway.
I just type mostly with my left hand. I also do type at a slower rate, at 30 wpm (words per minute) whereas a legal secretary types at an average of 90 wpm. Luckily I'm studying to become a paralegal. So I'm hoping that doesn't factor in as much. Otherwise they should really make a certain wpm required for entrance into the program.
Now through school growing up and even at ISU I never got disability assistance.I know I was evaluated in grade school, after the evaluator finally realized I was the one to be evaluated. Like I've said before I can usually hide my CP if I want to. Even back then. However being at DMACC, has forced me to seek disability assistance. Since I couldn't type as fast, I decided to get that buffer so that I could get extra time on in-class writing assignments if needed. Since my professor couldn't give me extra time without documentation, and I get that. I had to. I was again so afraid of being talked down to. However, the campus disability services liaison is really understanding of my CP, and knows that when it comes to my intelligence, I'm just fine, my CP is a purely physical disability. So I guess disability services isn't that bad, and I let my own stereotypes get to me at first.
There are people out there that will talk down to a person with a physical disability though, and that's probably what I hate most. It's what I fear the most, that once I can no longer hide my CP, that someone will start talking to me like I have the comprehension like that of a four year old. Typing is a dead give away that something is not normal with my right hand. I feel vulnerable to ridicule when I'm typing. I also feel bad when someone just tells me to type normally, I suppose I should feel flattered that again, they think I'm normal, but no. Just really, no. I'm not. I'll never be normal, and that's okay. Being normal sounds boring anyway.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Advocacy...Part 1
So it was through contacting United Cerebral Palsy, that I got in touch with Easter Seals of Iowa. For those that don't know Easter Seals in general provides a variety of services for adults, youths, and veterans. If you know of Easter Seals then you probably first think of their camp program. This ranges from youth to adults. They have different themed camps for people with disabilities. Have I ever been to camp? Yes, but a different one, not especially geared towards disabilities.
So what am I doing with Easter Seals? Advocacy of course. Lately it's been emailing state senators and representatives. What about? Why saving funding for those programs that deal with mental illnesses, and physical and developmental disabilities, of course. I've only gotten one response from a senator who had stated he voted in favor of keeping the funding, but hey, I got a response! And a good one at that! Later this month I'll be visiting the camp, and going on a tour and have a meeting, hopefully telling me what more I can do for them! All I know is I'm excited for what the future holds when it comes to the opportunities to advocate.
As always tell me what you want to read about, and follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoach !
So what am I doing with Easter Seals? Advocacy of course. Lately it's been emailing state senators and representatives. What about? Why saving funding for those programs that deal with mental illnesses, and physical and developmental disabilities, of course. I've only gotten one response from a senator who had stated he voted in favor of keeping the funding, but hey, I got a response! And a good one at that! Later this month I'll be visiting the camp, and going on a tour and have a meeting, hopefully telling me what more I can do for them! All I know is I'm excited for what the future holds when it comes to the opportunities to advocate.
As always tell me what you want to read about, and follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoach !
Saturday, May 16, 2015
My Friends
So for the most part to my knowledge, my friends are not like me. They don't have CP. To my knowledge they all happen to be able-bodied. I never befriended any of the kids that were like me, that had CP or other disabilities. Why? Because the school system kept me separate from the special needs kids. Because having such mild cerebral palsy, even I thought to myself, I hope I'm not coming off like them.
What does like them mean even? Well it means the stereotypical disabled person, unable to communicate with the normal world, without being talked down to like that of a four year old. It means the ones sitting there drooling uncontrollably, tapping a hand at their chest, as others sit there and imitate them. I always hoped I did not fit the stereotype, and so I hid my CP as long as I could from my friends. Until I needed a hand with something in PE.
Even to this day I don't discuss it first thing with my friends, I wait till I need a hand, and then explain. I worry that if I tell people I have CP first thing, they won't bother getting to know me on a friend level, but rather as a person with a lower intelligence level that they must take care of. Now granted that's not really giving my friends that much credit. My friends are awesome, and have treated me normally, even after finding out. It just made them more likely to stop and ask if I needed a hand with stairs, or something like that. I would be screwed without them. They really have proven themselves as friends to me. They've been there through my graduations, my first jobs, as well as my parents separating, and my bouts of depression and anxiety. They've answered those late night panicked calls, and offered up solutions to my problems, and to this day I am amazed that any of them saw me through those roughest days. Yes I am truly lucky to call them my friends.
What does like them mean even? Well it means the stereotypical disabled person, unable to communicate with the normal world, without being talked down to like that of a four year old. It means the ones sitting there drooling uncontrollably, tapping a hand at their chest, as others sit there and imitate them. I always hoped I did not fit the stereotype, and so I hid my CP as long as I could from my friends. Until I needed a hand with something in PE.
Even to this day I don't discuss it first thing with my friends, I wait till I need a hand, and then explain. I worry that if I tell people I have CP first thing, they won't bother getting to know me on a friend level, but rather as a person with a lower intelligence level that they must take care of. Now granted that's not really giving my friends that much credit. My friends are awesome, and have treated me normally, even after finding out. It just made them more likely to stop and ask if I needed a hand with stairs, or something like that. I would be screwed without them. They really have proven themselves as friends to me. They've been there through my graduations, my first jobs, as well as my parents separating, and my bouts of depression and anxiety. They've answered those late night panicked calls, and offered up solutions to my problems, and to this day I am amazed that any of them saw me through those roughest days. Yes I am truly lucky to call them my friends.
Friday, May 15, 2015
My Coworkers
My coworkers throughout the years have been varying in their acceptance of my CP.
The bakery coworkers are awesome in general. They are supportive of me, lend a hand when needed, or joke around about things when need be. A few are from a different generation and so do not always know when something is a compliment or an insult, but for the most part, they are an accepting bunch, and I wouldn't trade them.
Coworkers I had at the emergency youth shelter I worked at were not as accepting of my CP, they would stare, make fun of the way I walked, insult my intelligence, call me autistic when I'm not. They were all around nasty towards my CP.
When I verified employment, my CP never really came up, no one ever noticed it as it was more of a solo job.
When I worked at a craft store, it came up, as it effected my speed. One of the managers was downright mean to me because I was slower. And so, I left.
When I worked retail, it never came up, I left due to needing to focus on my schooling.
What I'm really trying to convey is this; my coworkers I have now are really awesome when it comes to my CP. However not all of my coworkers everywhere have been as accepting. Some do make fun of it, despite having been adults. Sometimes I've been able to hide my CP. Some are not so lucky. Please consider this before criticizing your coworkers. They could end up writing a blog about you... I felt the need to write this after having mentioned my workplace, that while some customers don't quite get it, most of my coworkers are cool about it.
The bakery coworkers are awesome in general. They are supportive of me, lend a hand when needed, or joke around about things when need be. A few are from a different generation and so do not always know when something is a compliment or an insult, but for the most part, they are an accepting bunch, and I wouldn't trade them.
Coworkers I had at the emergency youth shelter I worked at were not as accepting of my CP, they would stare, make fun of the way I walked, insult my intelligence, call me autistic when I'm not. They were all around nasty towards my CP.
When I verified employment, my CP never really came up, no one ever noticed it as it was more of a solo job.
When I worked at a craft store, it came up, as it effected my speed. One of the managers was downright mean to me because I was slower. And so, I left.
When I worked retail, it never came up, I left due to needing to focus on my schooling.
What I'm really trying to convey is this; my coworkers I have now are really awesome when it comes to my CP. However not all of my coworkers everywhere have been as accepting. Some do make fun of it, despite having been adults. Sometimes I've been able to hide my CP. Some are not so lucky. Please consider this before criticizing your coworkers. They could end up writing a blog about you... I felt the need to write this after having mentioned my workplace, that while some customers don't quite get it, most of my coworkers are cool about it.
The Stares I Get
Living with CP has never been easy. Especially when you factor in the stares I get.
The stares at my hand,
The stares at my foot,
The stares while running,
The stares while doing stairs,
The stares while swimming,
The stares from my own family,
The stares from those I would later call friends,
The thing about staring is this. It solves nothing, and helps no one. If you want to know what's going on, just ask! It's not considered rude anymore! What is rude is to just stare at me and assume my intelligence has magically dropped, and start speaking slowly. Or what's worse is when someone assumes I'm faking CP, and that I can just start moving my hand and foot normally...NO! That's almost flattering you think I'm able-bodied, but, NO!
Or I like to think of it this way-at least I have something to stare at... It makes the stares hurt less...
The stares at my hand,
The stares at my foot,
The stares while running,
The stares while doing stairs,
The stares while swimming,
The stares from my own family,
The stares from those I would later call friends,
The thing about staring is this. It solves nothing, and helps no one. If you want to know what's going on, just ask! It's not considered rude anymore! What is rude is to just stare at me and assume my intelligence has magically dropped, and start speaking slowly. Or what's worse is when someone assumes I'm faking CP, and that I can just start moving my hand and foot normally...NO! That's almost flattering you think I'm able-bodied, but, NO!
Or I like to think of it this way-at least I have something to stare at... It makes the stares hurt less...
Thursday, May 14, 2015
The College Years, the First Time Around...
College at ISU was great. People were super helpful if you looked like you needed a hand. No one stared at my hand for long, there wasn't enough time. I was in a women's choir called Lyrica for 3 of my 3.5 years there. Yes, I graduated a semester early. What with? Why a B.A. in Criminology and Criminal Justice, & Sociology.
Now throughout my time at ISU I had the stereotypical roommate that was a gigantic slut my sophomore year, I mean seriously, a different guy would wake up in our room, every weekend and she had a boyfriend. Now once I had gotten up the guts to talk to her about having found enough used condoms on the floor with my croc. She had decided to move out. I somehow don't remember being sad at all about it.
I then got really lucky with the roommate selection junior year. I lived with three great ladies who even baked me a birthday cake! My time spent with them restored my faith in roommates, not all being gigantic freshman sluts. I was sad when the year was over, and I still keep in touch with one of them to this day.
Back to my time spent in Lyrica, it was awesome, I loved every minute of it, and still keep in touch with many of the ladies I met, to this day. We could often be found leaving the music hall singing all the way to, and even on the campus bus. We got a small amount of applause each time. That doesn't mean the CP didn't factor in. Of course I was almost always in the back or top row. Meaning thanks to CP, I needed help down the risers. Luckily I made friends with whoever I stood by, and they were more than willing to lend a hand.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that college was so much better than high school to all those kids out there. Yes, it is important to talk to your roommate about their sleeping habits if you share a room, first thing, before you wind up with a used condom on your shoe. And so you can avoid the situation of having two people snoring across the room, as you walk out to get breakfast. Very important kids.
Also, what do you want to read about, please comment! Please follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoach
Now throughout my time at ISU I had the stereotypical roommate that was a gigantic slut my sophomore year, I mean seriously, a different guy would wake up in our room, every weekend and she had a boyfriend. Now once I had gotten up the guts to talk to her about having found enough used condoms on the floor with my croc. She had decided to move out. I somehow don't remember being sad at all about it.
I then got really lucky with the roommate selection junior year. I lived with three great ladies who even baked me a birthday cake! My time spent with them restored my faith in roommates, not all being gigantic freshman sluts. I was sad when the year was over, and I still keep in touch with one of them to this day.
Back to my time spent in Lyrica, it was awesome, I loved every minute of it, and still keep in touch with many of the ladies I met, to this day. We could often be found leaving the music hall singing all the way to, and even on the campus bus. We got a small amount of applause each time. That doesn't mean the CP didn't factor in. Of course I was almost always in the back or top row. Meaning thanks to CP, I needed help down the risers. Luckily I made friends with whoever I stood by, and they were more than willing to lend a hand.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that college was so much better than high school to all those kids out there. Yes, it is important to talk to your roommate about their sleeping habits if you share a room, first thing, before you wind up with a used condom on your shoe. And so you can avoid the situation of having two people snoring across the room, as you walk out to get breakfast. Very important kids.
Also, what do you want to read about, please comment! Please follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoach
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
The High School Years
Ahh, high school. A time most would want to forget, including myself. Throughout high school there were those that would physically trip me, for being different, and those that would scold them for doing so. There were those that would call me ugly, only to then ask out one of my best friends who just heard them call me ugly *note-I didn't say they were smart*. They got turned down promptly. I had friends I trusted, show themselves, into being that of a drugged up blob, that I had to separate myself from. They may see it as my betrayal, but I know who really the traitor was. It was the people who called themselves friends, then never showed up for class, they were busy with their friends doing drugs, drinking, and all around not caring about the future they once told me they wanted. Oh well, the last I knew they had both started families, seemed content without me, and so it was the reason why I never reconnected with either of them. We are all better off without me being friends with them. You have to re-evaluate who you surround yourself with sometimes, and in high school after sometimes 10+ years of friendship, that didn't make it any easier.
On to a happier note though, I did make friends who have stayed by me when I have been through some of my darkest days. Friends that I have now known for 10+ years. I eventually made it into the auditioned choir at my school. I did solo contests. I got good grades(except for geometry-can't help ya there). I made acquaintances I still keep in touch with. I held my first job at the bakery where I made friends or rather family, that I still keep in touch with or work with to this day.
Not all of it was a bad experience, and to see so many teens taking their lives now days for being different, is truly a depressing thing. While yes there were those out there that were toxic, there were some people that I would never trade, and nothing in that experience that I would do differently. It helped make me who I am today, and to any teens out there, please be alive to see that point too!
On to a happier note though, I did make friends who have stayed by me when I have been through some of my darkest days. Friends that I have now known for 10+ years. I eventually made it into the auditioned choir at my school. I did solo contests. I got good grades(except for geometry-can't help ya there). I made acquaintances I still keep in touch with. I held my first job at the bakery where I made friends or rather family, that I still keep in touch with or work with to this day.
Not all of it was a bad experience, and to see so many teens taking their lives now days for being different, is truly a depressing thing. While yes there were those out there that were toxic, there were some people that I would never trade, and nothing in that experience that I would do differently. It helped make me who I am today, and to any teens out there, please be alive to see that point too!
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
The Middle School Years
So middle school was a little rough for me. In seventh grade I got beat up at a bus stop. Why? Because I didn't feel like talking to two boys I knew had been violent in the past. So they started beating me up. I wore baggy clothes so no one would see the bruises, so no one would see my body, so I could dress in layers and maybe the bruising wouldn't be that bad. They took nothing from me. They would tell everyone I cried, but I never did in the approximate three months they beat me five days a week. I even tried sitting down, that didn't make it stop, they just beat me over the head with whatever was available-a spare piece of wood someone had left at the curb-they beat me with one day till I had a visible bump on my head. Then another day they brought what appeared to be a gun, and a turkey baster to the stop. I wouldn't eat a chip off the ground so they told they were holding a gun to my head. I felt something at my skull. I'll never know if it was truly a gun, or the baster-I was too afraid to look, and the bus came so they put it away. It was then that I saw a light for a minute. I had to tell someone, it would be winter soon, and I wouldn't be able to just sit down in the snow.
So I told my Mom, the solution was to drive me to school. One day however it was left to my Dad to drive me to school, he devised a plan. It turns out one of the neighbors had seen the beatings taking place, on this day, my father found this neighbor and told them to watch. My dad hid in his van that was parked across the street.Now the two boys walked past the van everyday*note-I didn't say they were smart*. Today though, things were different, that day they threatened to record the beating, and show it at the next school dance. Before they could get started, Dad popped out of the van, and started scolding them, and the neighbor came out of her house, I ran to the neighbor and missed what was said by my dad that day. We tried to press charges, but seeing as I didn't know for sure if it was a real gun,and all the days blurred together, we weren't able to- only a police complaint.
Eighth grade was a different story. The baggy clothes disappeared, and in their place were more form fitting ones. I had always eaten plenty of food, only to be called too skinny, or worse, skinnier. One day I had had enough, I convinced myself that if I stopped eating, that would make me look a healthy weight, and people would shut up about it...Well I had gotten to the point where I had stopped eating breakfast and lunch. I reached a size 0. My stomach appeared to cave in almost. That's when my friends that had gone to treatment for eating disorders stepped in, and told me that's how it started for them. They convinced me that if I wanted to ultimately be fat, then I should stop eating entirely, screw up my metabolism, and never be skinny again once I started eating again. It was then that my best friend at the time told my Mom what was going on one day after school, I confirmed it was true. It was then that I stopped skipping meals, it was then that I realized the friends that had called me too skinny were overweight, and trying to make me feel bad for having looked what was really a healthy size to begin with. I had to re-evaluate who I surrounded myself with.
I myself am now slightly overweight and trying everyday to get back to a healthy weight, the healthy way. However, it's now slightly harder to do. I do love my body the way I am now, and would never take such drastic measures again.
So if you're being beat up, tell someone-ASAP- before it gets to a gun, and if someone tells you you're too skinny, chances are they are overweight themselves and trying to make you feel bad. Don't listen to the haters either way, rise above it and change your surroundings.
So I told my Mom, the solution was to drive me to school. One day however it was left to my Dad to drive me to school, he devised a plan. It turns out one of the neighbors had seen the beatings taking place, on this day, my father found this neighbor and told them to watch. My dad hid in his van that was parked across the street.Now the two boys walked past the van everyday*note-I didn't say they were smart*. Today though, things were different, that day they threatened to record the beating, and show it at the next school dance. Before they could get started, Dad popped out of the van, and started scolding them, and the neighbor came out of her house, I ran to the neighbor and missed what was said by my dad that day. We tried to press charges, but seeing as I didn't know for sure if it was a real gun,and all the days blurred together, we weren't able to- only a police complaint.
Eighth grade was a different story. The baggy clothes disappeared, and in their place were more form fitting ones. I had always eaten plenty of food, only to be called too skinny, or worse, skinnier. One day I had had enough, I convinced myself that if I stopped eating, that would make me look a healthy weight, and people would shut up about it...Well I had gotten to the point where I had stopped eating breakfast and lunch. I reached a size 0. My stomach appeared to cave in almost. That's when my friends that had gone to treatment for eating disorders stepped in, and told me that's how it started for them. They convinced me that if I wanted to ultimately be fat, then I should stop eating entirely, screw up my metabolism, and never be skinny again once I started eating again. It was then that my best friend at the time told my Mom what was going on one day after school, I confirmed it was true. It was then that I stopped skipping meals, it was then that I realized the friends that had called me too skinny were overweight, and trying to make me feel bad for having looked what was really a healthy size to begin with. I had to re-evaluate who I surrounded myself with.
I myself am now slightly overweight and trying everyday to get back to a healthy weight, the healthy way. However, it's now slightly harder to do. I do love my body the way I am now, and would never take such drastic measures again.
So if you're being beat up, tell someone-ASAP- before it gets to a gun, and if someone tells you you're too skinny, chances are they are overweight themselves and trying to make you feel bad. Don't listen to the haters either way, rise above it and change your surroundings.
Monday, May 11, 2015
The Reason I Wrote This Blog
I felt it good to explain the whole reason I'm writing this blog...
One day at work, again at a bakery. I had waited on a customer, just fine and gone about my business. What I didn't know was that they had stopped and talked with one of my coworkers about me. My coworker later explained,
"He said he got a mocha from you, and it was a little slow but worth the wait. He said he noticed you had a disability so he was okay that it took a little longer. I thought I would tell you about the compliment."
Now someone please explain how that is anything but a backhanded compliment, or rather, a complaint. If you don't see it, read through again. What's worse is that my coworker fully believed this was a compliment, and I didn't correct her. Yes I, missed a teachable moment, and that is why I'm writing this blog. To make sure I don't miss another.
Thank you for the views so far, and again follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoach
One day at work, again at a bakery. I had waited on a customer, just fine and gone about my business. What I didn't know was that they had stopped and talked with one of my coworkers about me. My coworker later explained,
"He said he got a mocha from you, and it was a little slow but worth the wait. He said he noticed you had a disability so he was okay that it took a little longer. I thought I would tell you about the compliment."
Now someone please explain how that is anything but a backhanded compliment, or rather, a complaint. If you don't see it, read through again. What's worse is that my coworker fully believed this was a compliment, and I didn't correct her. Yes I, missed a teachable moment, and that is why I'm writing this blog. To make sure I don't miss another.
Thank you for the views so far, and again follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoach
Sunday, May 10, 2015
About Mental Illness
So I decided to take this post to explain something from my previous post...Not only do I have CP, yes, I also have anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed with those two at 23. I made plans to take my life at 24. This was after my parents had separated, my last two biological grandparents had passed away, I had left my first major related job, was in between medications, was feeling alone,isolated from my friends, and thought I had nowhere to turn, but to death. I thought no one would miss me anyways...I couldn't just drink my troubles away like a normal person-as I had a medication I was supposed to take as needed...I had made plans to either take all the pills I had been taking for the last year or so, or to drive off a bridge, before the rail began. I later rationalized that both plans would be unsuccessful and just result in me living a more miserable existence. The pills might not kill me, just cause permanent damage...The drive off the bridge, might just injure, or kill someone else, I thought to myself...However, it was not until I talked to my Mother about my plans that I was convinced I still had a purpose-I just didn't know what it was yet.
It took me later being hospitalized and forced into treatment, to figure out what that was. I knew I was here to do good. This later involved me being on the right regular medication, it involves me getting my paralegal certificate, it involves me writing this blog. It involves me reaching out to those friends I had drifted away from, making new friends out of those I was around.It involved me growing spiritually.
I strongly encourage anyone who has felt the way I did to seek treatment, before it is too late. There is always a purpose to your life, you just may not know what it is yet, be strong and figure it out.
It took me later being hospitalized and forced into treatment, to figure out what that was. I knew I was here to do good. This later involved me being on the right regular medication, it involves me getting my paralegal certificate, it involves me writing this blog. It involves me reaching out to those friends I had drifted away from, making new friends out of those I was around.It involved me growing spiritually.
I strongly encourage anyone who has felt the way I did to seek treatment, before it is too late. There is always a purpose to your life, you just may not know what it is yet, be strong and figure it out.
Saturday, May 9, 2015
So Tomorrow is Mother's Day...
So like I said, tomorrow is Mother's Day...The day for moms out there-Happy Mother's Day to you. I am not a mom, for those that don't know me. But my mom is an amazing woman, one that I admire very much. She's taught me so much. She taught me how to tie my shoes, and to care for myself when I was little. As I got older she fielded all of my awkward questions and and dealt with my transportation needs. She was there as I learned how to drive, and helped me realize I could without my parent going insane while riding shotgun. She was there every time my computer broke down when I was in college. She was there every time I had to move. She was there when my Dad left, to break the news. She was there to see me graduate, to get my first professional job. She's been with me through all my struggles with CP, having to learn how to adapt. She was there when I suffered from anxiety & depression-when I had made plans to take my life-SHE was the one that convinced me I had a purpose...Without her, I would not be here, in so many ways...
What I'm trying to say is I love you Mom! Happy Mother's Day!
What I'm trying to say is I love you Mom! Happy Mother's Day!
Friday, May 8, 2015
Childhood...
I will say this though, childhood is rough. Luckily for me, I was never picked on because of my CP. No, I was made fun of because of my last name. My childhood was different in some ways though. Having CP made things like learning how to tie my shoes, or rollerskating, or even biking, all the more difficult. Things that if you're able-bodied, you might tend to take for granted. I will say this, BOTH of my parents were extremely supportive of me growing up and never let me give up. My older brother also never took it easy on me, because I have CP. Looking back, my family is amazing, and I can only imagine how frustrating my CP was at times for them. I'm thankful for everything they did for me though. Other than CP though my childhood was pretty normal. I had my close group of friends, my other classmates were always ready to assist in P.E. and teachers that would always work with me. I participated in a dance class, played the cello, and sang in the choir...For all intensive purposes I was a normal kid...Although, some are not so lucky. Some people have far more severe CP. Some do get bullied instead of a helping hand. This needs to stop. Parents please be just that, teach your kids not to pick on someone because they're different. Especially if it's something like CP where a kid could use a hand.
Again, I like to keep these short, so please read them all! Follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoachhttps://twitter.com/LindsMRoach , and have a great day!
Again, I like to keep these short, so please read them all! Follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoachhttps://twitter.com/LindsMRoach , and have a great day!
Thursday, May 7, 2015
I'm doing good.
So, for those who do not know me personally, I work at a bakery. Have for a combined 7 years and counting...One day however, a customer came in that was in a hurry. She asked what was wrong with my hand, as I was folding a box.
I said, "nothing".
She asked "No, your right hand, is it broken? You're not using it?"
I replied "Oh, I have cerebral palsy on my right side..."
She replied "Oh than you're doing good for someone with your condition."
What's wrong with that situation? Can you tell? It's not that I'm doing good for someone with CP, it's that I'm doing good, period. That customer came in a hurry, for reasons completely unrelated to me, yet I was at fault....Then because I have CP, things were magically okay? That's not right, and the doing good for someone with my condition, not really a compliment, but rather, an insult.
Please think about what you're saying, it could just ruin someone's day...
I said, "nothing".
She asked "No, your right hand, is it broken? You're not using it?"
I replied "Oh, I have cerebral palsy on my right side..."
She replied "Oh than you're doing good for someone with your condition."
What's wrong with that situation? Can you tell? It's not that I'm doing good for someone with CP, it's that I'm doing good, period. That customer came in a hurry, for reasons completely unrelated to me, yet I was at fault....Then because I have CP, things were magically okay? That's not right, and the doing good for someone with my condition, not really a compliment, but rather, an insult.
Please think about what you're saying, it could just ruin someone's day...
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
First Post
So I'll use this as an introductory post. My name is Lindsay, and I have CP. What is CP you ask? Why it's short for cerebral palsy. If you don't know what that is, Google it. For me, it effects the right side of my body, the fine motor skills. Luckily mine is pretty mild, however, others aren't as fortunate. My intelligence is fine. I just will never be right handed, nor will I ever move that quickly. I plan to use this blog to communicate my frustrations with those who do not understand how to talk to someone with CP, as well as try and educate so as to lessen the frustration of myself and others. I plan to discuss my triumphs as well, so as to raise awareness, and hopefully encourage the younger generation with CP. I also hope to get in contact with others with CP, so please leave comments on this and future posts! I ultimately aim to raise awareness for CP! Now some more about myself... I am 25 years old, I am a Virgo, borderline Leo (depending on what source you use), I hate long walks of any kind, I am a student studying to get my paralegal certificate, I am from Iowa (Go Cyclones), my favorite color is teal,in my spare time I enjoy reading(I'm in a comedian memoir phase right now), music-of all kinds,baking-please leave recipes, I also wish I traveled more... Well that's all for now, but there's more to come. Please comment! Please follow me on twitter at @LindsMRoach ! And to the kids out there-you are so much more than someone with CP!
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