See Ya Later

     I once was asked by my first unrelated freshman roommate at ISU from Minnesota, "Why does everyone in Iowa say 'see ya?' " My answer to her was this, "Goodbye is too definite, see ya, means that your paths may cross again, pleasantly." This just confused her more, then again she fit her stereotype to a "T". Freshman girl pledging to an engineering sorority, that played rugby, with majority being her lesbian sorority sisters, nothing wrong if you are a lesbian, some of the closest people to me are gay or lesbian, my frosh roommate just always seemed to tell me when she had some drop by the dorm. If it was a male- I would just find a used condom on the bottom of my croc, after I left the dorm...So I guess I should be glad she was not afraid to tell myself when there were 3+females in the room. Haha...Back to my title...

     I once asked my very first Manager why it wasn't okay to say "Goodbye" to customers at the bakery, at the age of 14. While I don't remember word-for-word, the overall jest was that Goodbye is too definite, we want people to come back to the bakery, "See ya" being short for "See ya next time/later", I understood perfectly, and have being saying "see ya" ever since then.

     This brings me to, when I first started going to church regularly, it was after my Dad had left the building, so to speak. I felt okay going to church again, having been a choir girl since the 5th grade, the music always pulled me back to the church. Having been a college grad, I also had nowhere to sing, have that outlet for expression that had nothing to do with my life as a night manager at the time. It was some time in the winter of 2010-11 that I called up the church,and asked how to join the choir, after hearing a time and talent sermon from the Pastor, to one of the office workers. Coincidentally she showed up to the next choir rehearsal too. I was somewhat unsure of what to expect, I was certainly the youngest person there, and had not sang or auditioned for a choir since my Junior year of college. Who welcomed me to the choir, well, our former choir director of course. I was taken in, to the part of the service I loved the most-the music. So while I did not say my goodbyes,earlier, I will say my see ya's the only way I know how-via blog, I know it's been a week or so, but I've been busy, writing my heart out for my memoir and working hard, per my usual...Stop in to the bakery and say "Hi" sometime, no being a stranger, and you will be missed...

Random in November, Like the Weather

     So for Halloween weekend, some dear, dear, friends and I went to the local orchard...I dressed up as Hillary Clinton, and got no candy for dressing up, although I did not wear a face mask, that may have screwed me over...But also, those steps on and off the hayride, really just take it out of a person with CP, who was wearing dressy knee-high boots, not the smartest move, but all in all, I was able to do the corn maze, and pick out a pumpkin, thanks to all of them. They are some of the greatests, and I don't know what I would do without them!

     Secondly, IF you CHOOSE to block me on Facebook, do not expect me to care about the issues you have while on Facebook, I frankly am glad you're having them. In all my spiritual/religious beliefs, I know that first and foremost, I am not perfect, I am a sinner, as we all are, this is my sin, wishing issues with Facebook upon certain coworkers...The same goes for if a perfect stranger calls Bubba Joe Jack a "Jackass" I wholeheartedly agree with that assessment, don't think I care, don't mistake my ability to say "please" and "thank you" for genuine concern about your problems, you burned down the bridges to ashes, dumb ass...

     This brings me to, say your goodbyes and leave Ethel, you've had hours to talk to Bubba Joe Jack, and didn't, because you were holding a grudge, what happened? I left my other drama free, isolated job, for this, for two hours? Why? Also, do women just reach a certain age, mindset, memory loss? Where they forget to say "please" and "thank you" to their younger female coworkers, but wait on their male coworkers hand and foot? If so that's Agnes. It's annoying, and frankly, I'm glad I opened my mouth and complained about it, now I don't have to deal with it.

    Lastly, "Speechless" the new ABC show, I know other people from #CPChatNow that love it, but I can't relate to most of it. I drive myself, without a handicap parking tag, I work, I talk for myself, I don't have severe mobility issues, besides the "inspirational" topic, mine's just not as severe as the main character's. But if you enjoy learning about more severe CP struggles, by all means, watch it...

New

     So for those that don't know, yes, still looking for that dream job, but in the meantime...I've got bills to pay. So I took a job working for a local craft store. I won't say which one on here, but local to me. Luckily, for the most part, I seem to be picking things up quickly, considering I have a long standing over 8 closer to 9 years at a local bakery, of customer service, so I should be. I forgot what it's like to be new, to be the trainee, rather than the trainer. I've gotten so used to knowing exactly what I was doing, it's been an experience, to once again know nothing about what to do, or how to answer the phone for them, or even what to do during the "downtime" periods of the day. I'm trying to ask all the right questions, it's just hard knowing which ones. I guess it's just nice to be new, again.   

So He Sends Me An Article...

     This may start off sounding like a joke, but I swear it's not...

So my brother sends me an article about a straight male porn star, why? For those that do not know either of us that well-you may ask yourselves. The only answer I have for you, is that a close brother/sister relationship, always seems strange, take Angelina and her brother for example, to those that are not a part of it. Secondly, not only is this person a supposed porn star, that may do gay porn for the right price, they also have Cerebral Palsy.

     This brings me to MY idea-no, it has nothing to do with porn...People with Cerebral Palsy SOMETIMES are viewed as non-sexual, when in fact, thanks to #CPChatNow, and having blogged about my previous relationship(from age 5-9,no, not a sexual relationship, but that totally counts when people ask your permission in high school, to ask them out), I can tell you,I am straight, and many people with CP have relationships all the time, be they straight,gay,lesbian, bi or any other definition you would like to use.

     When asked if I am the marrying type? My answer is no. But on the other hand I did catch the bouquet, and who knows what I'll be thinking come ten years down the road, or so on...Right now I'm just trying to do my job, "I've gotta lot of living to do" to quote "Bye,Bye Birdie", before I even think about dating seriously, and I see no point in me dating, if not going towards a common end, of that phase of life. Wasting my time, I think not. I like the memes that say, "I love me, I think I'm the one." Right now, but as always that could change, it may not, depends on who I think might be "the one" for me, if I ever find them, if I ever want to find them, right now, I see no need. My life is great, why risk that with one person coming in, and changing everything...Also, as I've mentioned before dating sites kinda creep me out, even though I know people from #CPChatNow, that seem very happy because of them. Good for them! I wish them the best!

Brother, thank you for reminding me, it's important to note people with Cerebral Palsy, have relationships all the time, if we want.

Over 4,000 Views

If there is one thing I know about myself, I know that I am EXTREMELY introverted.  So the fact that I posted one of my blogs on my high school class group Facebook page, took a lot of courage for me to do, I was terrified...until the likes and comments started pouring in. Most, in fact, all were positive in some way.

On the other hand, I don't know what  was ultimately worried about, I mean, most of the people on there were in an English writing class with me at some point in our lives, my school was not THAT big, most peer reviewed my papers at some point, whether it was my paper on how to be innocent, or one of my less than perfect, yet entertaining speeches. These people have backed me, even when I had to defend myself when asked by my teacher if we only have one soulmate? I totally won over the majority of the class with my reply, don't ask me the specifics of it, just know that it was awesome, and that the majority of that class supported me. Yes, looking back, I don't know why I was fearful.

To the people I never talked to back then, thanks for reading! To the people I did talk to thank you! Thank you all for your support, and the over 4,000 views. Let me know what you want me to write about, and as always much love to those I call friends and family!

What's Up?

So what's up? You might ask...
     Well I started the memoir over, same title, different direction, happier with it. Talked to a book publisher about the whole writing process, so feeling better about that.
     Went to a dear friend's wedding, danced basically the whole time I was able to at the reception, and caught the bouquet with "Single Ladies" by Beyonce playing in the background, at least in my mind-still quite different than hearing things.
     I got a job at a well-known bank as a contract employee-sort of-still waiting on the damn background check to clear, hopefully I'll get to start Tuesday. Otherwise I lose the job, which would be really disappointing. Sorry if I got everyone's hopes up for nothing!
     Also, in the process of driving from Ames to West Des Moines and back, got a flat tire and drove all the way home before my Mom got home and told me, oops!

So yet again surviving, as always, despite having a cold that just won't go away...

Funny story, so my first college roommate-kind of a complete freshman whore, as in she used to bring guys other than her boyfriend back to the dorm, and I'd wake up with a used condom stuck to the bottom of my Croc in the morning, at 3:30am. Anywho, she decided to go skydiving one day...

She then brought a male friend from the dorms back to our dorm in broad daylight, who asks me : "Lindsay, why didn't you go skydiving?"

My reply  : "I had to do laundry..."

End of the conversation.

Funny Thing

So, I was at work yesterday finishing up with a customer *phone rings* Bubba Joe Jack (one of them) answers it. *He comes out to the counter, where I'm waiting on a customer*
Bubba- "Your Mom is on the phone, she'll hold till you're available" (In a hushed tone as if someone died, or possibly even I was going to...I'm not for a very long time though...)
Me-(Wondering who died?) "Okay."
*takes phone call* Me-"Hello?"
Mom-"Did you take your (blood thinner)pill?"
Me-"Yes."
Mom-"I'll see you when you get home then!"
*Goodbyes exchanged, call ended*
*Me-walks out front to where Bubba is sweeping*
Bubba- "Did you talk to her already?"*Slightly freaked out/everything okay? tone*
Me- "Yes." *pauses-then in a "you're not my boyfriend/friend/brother/anything to me," tone* "Thank you."
*Conversation Done*
Way not to care-right? Like, stop acting...You still care Bubba...HAhaha, so freaked out, so funny!To me at least...

So, A Lot's Happened

     My hopes by blogging about this, is that I can finally begin to move past it, rather than let it consume me. For those that may not know already, somehow, It hasn't been all that long since I was released from the hospital. I was there for 2 1/2 weeks. Why? You ask, a brain clot, my reply. I  had headaches for a few days prior, thinking it was developing into a migraine. Then one night as I was trying to take my nightly pills, I couldn't open, let alone grip the can of pop-my Mom had to open. It was then my Mom tried to take me to the hospital-having been in the hospital before under different circumstances, I was not looking forward to it. My mother requested I grip her right hand with my left, and she would take me home,to call First Nurse. I squeezed as hard as I could, and we went home. Upon calling First Nurse, I explained about my symptoms, not being able to grip the can,my head having hurt the past few days, feeling as if it had exploded...little did I know. We again headed towards the ER in town, this time willingly. They quickly decided I needed 2 shots in the buttock. Then whisked me away for a scan of my head,I'm glad they did-what they found was the brain  clot, or bleeding on the brain-by the time they got me back to the room they knew it, I then went back down a second time, for another scan. After this scan they then told myself and my parents that they had a choice between U of I or Mercy hospital, where they could treat it. My parents decided on Mercy, as it was easiest to get to/closest to home.I was strapped in and lifted into the back of the ambulance, upon arriving at Mercy I found in that 20 minute ride, maybe, that I had lost the ability to talk coherently. So while my mother continued on talking about how smart and intelligent I was, all I could do was babble incoherently. I don't remember the IV being put in my arm, but there was throughout my stay. I remember 2 very loud scans, where the result was that the clot had thankfully been stabilized. Please don't ask me when I went in, I don't remember, all I know was that I was there for the longest 2 1/2 weeks of my entire life...I was also thankful when the speech therapist let me eat regular foods, as mashed potatoes and gravy, one of my faves, got old quick. Upon leaving the ICU, I entered the hospitalists floor, meaning I was progressing in my recovery, and that I just had to reach the right levels before I could be released, I'd like to say that part was quick, but no, it wasn't. But what I did get was patio privileges while there, at least. It only delayed the blood work people, that always left me feeling like a human pincushion, not on purpose, it's just how I felt, most of them were quite kind people, and best of all, quick about it. After the 2 1/2 weeks though, I was released the day of the Ingrid Michaelson concert. I went for a while, then realized I needed to get home and take my meds, so away like Cinderella at the ball I went, to get home before 10pm. We made it, just in time. I took my pills and went to bed, the end...Not actually, I'll be on certain medication/blood thinners for 6 months-darn-no rugby or soccer...because I never-played-those to-begin-with...Then there's a chance I could come off those all together if there's no bad genes, which so far, nothing's bad. So it's looking like this was all due to the birth control not sitting well with me. But who really knows?

This One's For You

To a dear friend, on what should be, her Golden Birthday, I believe,
So I WILL get your card in the mail today, but I also know you're one of the biggest supporters of the blog, so I  thought I would write a short little post, just for you. Never doubt that since getting the application at the bakery from me, I was 110% hoping you would come back, as I could already tell how much of an awesome person you are.  It did not take long for me to consider you a friend, little did I know, you would become one of my dearest, truest, friends, in what is actually a friendship of less than 2 years. You've seen me at my worst, dealing with my worst foes-anxiety & depression, and helped me realize I was all upset over something as silly as a vacuum cleaner, and someone who was only pretending...I still can't believe I got that upset over a musician that thinks "Eye of the Tiger" was Journey and not Survivor-seriously!

What I'm trying to say, is thank you for always putting up with my craziness/silliness, hopefully I've been there for you too! It seems like I've known you way longer-but the bakery has that effect on people, also thank you for always including me, despite my reserved nature.

You truly are a wonderful friend, and I'm ever so lucky to call you such.
Happy Birthday,
Linds

My First Vlog

New phone, new vlog? Right? You can see it here...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjhVmYUAl5o 
check it!

I Had Nothing To Do With It

So the bakery had, a regular customer, I shall call "Buttercup", only because, to me,  she was most of the time, anything but. I say had, as she has passed away recently, which has left me with mixed emotions...Why? You ask...

She asked if she could have a refill of coffee for buying an iced tea-two different prices, scolded me for dumping the coffee too early, when I asked what kind of coffee to save,so I could dump the others not in use...But in more recent visits, was kind, and understanding, of issues, like the coffeepot running over because a screw had fallen out of the lid...It was strange the sudden shift...

So now I sit in the den, my brother's old room,blogging about my feelings, or the sifting through thereof, because that's what I  do rather than pay the $35 for therapy, because frankly, not to speak ill of the dead, but "Buttercup" is not worth the $35. I know my feelings, however mixed, they're completely normal when one person makes a situation difficult, then is completely nice, then passes away...

My initial reaction was-I had nothing to do with it, no prayers for miracles, as I had with "Shamallama" (See "Nobody's Perfect"), no wishing death upon her. No, this was not my fault. Transitioning into sadness, as she had finally started being nice to me, and I had never gotten to do any Mickey Mouse giggling to see if she would notice the change in voice pitch, not that I actually would have done it, but, just the simple fact, that now I can't... I'm really not sinking into depression, as frankly, from all the trouble she caused me, I finally transitioned into relief, relief that I wouldn't have to skate around the bakery, not knowing what kind of mood she'd be in.

No, do not feel sorry for my loss, I didn't know her that well, there were those at the Bakery that were closer to her, it's not my loss, nor is it a gain, It simply is what it is...

Me Is Okay

It came to my attention lately, that one of my dear friends from middle school and beyond, whom I've known since the September 11th, was told she was scary, and that it is not okay to be her. My assessment of the situation is that these people/ this person, do/es not know her well. That they are intimidated by her, and have no other way to express their feelings of fear.

I know all to well, that trying to change who you are, eliminate a nervous giggle, does not work. It's the little things that make all the difference, it's the little things that will hopefully drive you to leave a terrible situation, from the sounds of it, my friend, who shall remain nameless.

Find the people who are your equals, who are not in the least bit intimidated by you. Your true friends like me, love who you are, we embrace your weirdness, just as you embrace ours. I know you are a incredibly strong woman, and have been since the day we met. You're a tough nut to crack, which is why I worry as to who is telling you this, who is making you feel this way? Me, I know your opinion is always honest to you, true to who you are, even if we may not want to hear it... You've never been one to hold yourself back from your truth, don't start now.

Why?

May I just ask, why?
Why would you stay in a toxic relationship, be it friend or significant other?
Why does Bubba Joe Jack (one of them) like nothing I do on social media, yet talks to me to no end?
Why is editing so damn hard, be it in writing or from my mouth?
Why won't my mental illness go away and never return?
Why do I care so much about what other people think of me?
Why don't they actually care?
Why should abortion be completely illegal, when people will still do it regardless, this way it's done safely?
Why should a group of primarily elderly men, and menopausal women decide what I can and can't do with my own body?
Why are men not forced to get vasectomies at a certain age, if I as a female could  be forced into a pregnancy?
Why should certain family members and friends have to hide part of their identity, just to be accepted by the public?
Why do some feel that love should be illegal for some others?
Just ask yourself, why?

What I Can't Stand...

     Let's face it, we all have things we just can't stand, here's mine, can you relate, or am I just weird? You decide...

1. People that make you pause the movie while they go to the bathroom.
HELLO! How self important are you, that you either cannot bare to watch the movie again, or how bad is your bladder control? Like what disease do you have, to where you have to urinate that many times during a movie? THEN, I might pause the movie to no complaint....But seriously, would you have done that in a theater, say, during the latest Captain America premiere, NO! You would be shunned, possibly kicked out for being disruptive! This is the real reason, we cannot be friends, -person at a friend's house, that made us stop the movie,- who shall remain nameless...You're hydrated, lay off the water already!

2. "Bro"
You name it, "Bro", "Brosef", or Bromances, they are annoying! Not everyone is a damn brother to you! That would be impossible! I swear, if "Bubba Joe Jack" (one of them) and "Cletus" start calling each other Bro, or worse yet, Brosef, I'm walking out on both...or puking, and I will not be cleaning it up! I mean, that's sweet in a way, but I don't go around calling all females "sis", only those that get dubbed as my "sister" by some random electrician/plumber (I'm still not sure which!) because we have the same nose, and were talking because we know the same people!

3. People who refuse to say please and thank you.
Like, I get forgetting to say it, we all do, probably when we shouldn't. But, yes, I mean people who refuse, because they "were not raised" to do so. My Momma would throw a fit if I ever said that to anyone! *Cough* "Ethel" *Cough*. Yet these people still exist, and work in the customer service field successfully, how? Who really wants to know...

4. Waiting for a call/email/letter back about an interview/you name it.
Far more annoying then any bromance...Longer than is comfortable...Far worse than awkward silence. I'm hopefully waiting for a response from at least one of my interviews, one that I really want.

In the meantime...I've sent out emails/tweets about guest blogging projects to, Depressed Cake Shop(written something that should be published soon)...This Is My Brave, I've been in contact with, about possibly the end of May writing something for them. Sweatpants & Coffee, I've sent an email, and tweeted to about possibly writing something for them. I've been in touch with The Mighty, about checking out my blog/giving ideas for what to write about for them, Some of their stuff ends up in National papers, just sayin', and as always, possibly writing something for the #CPChatNow website, which you should google, and check out, should we ever figure something out... Name dropping, so totally name dropping, all of the sites that I mentioned, you should check out on Facebook on their respective pages!

61st post!
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Thanks for reading!

Nobody's Perfect

It's true, nobody's perfect. Neither am I. But where do you draw the line, when pointing it out...

One day at work, we had a new girl we shall call "Shamallama", now this girl was nice enough, sweet enough, talked too much...Seriously, we had a conversation about small talk. She asked me questions, then questioned my answer...And had some aversion to making boxes, which is usually an epidemic at my workplace. She even wanted to go to church with Ma and me-she asked, not us.

But it got to the point where I was taking the trash out, or going to the bathroom and laughing hysterically to get away from her, because she would not shut up! Yes, Shamallama, had gotten the better of me, and by this point I was THISSSS close to going back to the behavioral health unit at my local hospital. So I decided to Windex the cases...

Now usually I do just fine, but that day, I missed a few spots, Shamallama, was happy to point them out, no judgement, once, twice, and then I lost count how many times. She then said "nobody's perfect" (mind you, I've been in a choir for how many years,  and sang solos how many times? but by then I'd lost it, my voice had gone up an octave or so, and I was doing a Mickey Mouse giggle...Also, I had warned my coworkers several times that if I sing at work, we're in trouble).

So I stated quietly, "Don't make me sing Hannah Montana at you..." Shamallama (who claimed to be good at diffusing crisis situations earlier that day) kept right on talking, as if I said nothing, as if my voice had not gone up, and was not giggling like a cartoon character. She left me no choice, so I started singing "Nobody's perfect, I gotta work it..." and by then another coworker came and got Shamallama out of my sight... She was sent home not long after that...

I am one to pray, and that night, I prayed for a miracle, as I was going to have to work with Shamallama again the next day. My prayers were answered. She called Ma at about 4am that day saying she broke her leg, I like to think my praying was just a coincidence to that, but either way, there was a miracle that kept me off the behavioral health unit floor, once again. Now, Shamallama is getting the help she needs, and "Smeagol is free"!

*Note, I used a lot of character references, none of which I have any rights to, but as I am not profiting from this blog, I see no harm*

I Know It's Been Awhile...

Look, I know it's been awhile, but, I've been a busy girl. Between school, work, church choir, hospice volunteering, contract work as a paralegal and not to mention the internship, I've had very little time to do anything but sleep, eat, & repeat.

But on the bright side, I did get graduation announcements, because come May, I'm walking... the only question is, will I have a full-time job lined up?

It does not help when Bubba Joe Jack asks how the job search is going, I was first shocked he even knew. Secondly, it's been a lot of sending out resumes, most of the time to no response, or wanting someone now, or yesterday rather. I'm holding out hope there is a plan for me, and that when the time comes, Amazon will call me back for an interview...again.
See. As the last time they called, I thought it a longshot, so naturally I turned down an interview for a temp job, smart! Right? Ugh! Someone please tell me my thought process there...I could be in Seattle right now...
Anyways, it's not going so great... anyone with a lead on full time paralegal jobs in the U.S. let me know. In the meantime...I'm going to try to figure out if Bubba is anxiously awaiting my departure, or doesn't really want me to go. Not like that's going to stop me...But it would be nice to be missed...

What Would I Tell My Younger Self?

     So "The Mighty", came up with this idea, please check them out on Facebook or something...But what are 5 things I would tell my younger self about living with a disability...Keep in mind I have a triple whammie of CP, depression, and anxiety...So what would I tell myself?

1. That more people will love you than you realize.
Which is true, when i was younger, I had no idea that so many people would want to be friends with me. Nor did I think I would ever be running my own blog. But let's face it. I LOVE all the love I have received from my friends,family, and former classmates. Without your love and support, I would not be doing this still. I also wish I had known this sooner in life, and I would have been way more outgoing in high school for example.

2. Life is going to be hard, but not impossible.
Life is more difficult with my trifecta of disabilities. Hard, because you will always get stares, not knowing the full extent. Hard because there will be times you are so frustrated, all you can do is stare, at the ones you care about the most. You will feel frozen, unable to do anything but scream, hoping that it will get you some sort of release from the voices in your head, the hallucinations around you.The questioning of what's real, but through this you will make more friends, and have more family out there than you realize-making the struggle bearable, although all the bad things will just pile up indefinitely it seems. You will come out of it, stronger than you ever thought possible.

3. You are capable of anything.Whether you do it or not...
The people in my life have made this so, whether it be a roller coaster,escalator, stairs, You can do it. It's just the question of whether you really want to or not. P.E. will not be your friend, that rope is not safe for you to climb, although that one teacher's aide is right, you could have tried, you just didn't want to. Someone, even a perfect stranger, will always be there to help you. You just have to adapt. Survival of the fittest, and look at you, surviving and shit!

4. Not everyone will be willing to help you.
There are some that will be unkind. They will physically beat you, threaten to kill you even. Which is why you have to make sure and value the ones that do help you. Not everyone will have CP since birth, nor will they be given the extraordinary gift of vulnerability, that God has given you. No, some think they are indestructible. You may sometimes wish to have this able-bodied way of life, but it's not for you. You will never outgrow being able to teach strangers, sometime friends, or even family, how to help their fellow human being. This too, will make you stronger.

5. Your attitude is infectious.
I live a life full of primarily positivity. Despite all the hardships, your attitude is infectious, contagious, and will spread to the masses of people you come into contact with. Your smile will be constant, you will learn to leave anyone, be they friend or stranger smiling as well. There will be only a mere few this will not catch on with, and for them, you can only hope they seek professional help.

Don't forget
Twitter- @LindsMRoach
Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/lindsayslifewithcp

To Bubba Joe Jack (One of them)

I NEED to remind myself of these things...

I refuse to let you make me feel bad...
I refuse to let you make me think I'm stupid for asking you a question about yourself...
I refuse to let you make me feel awkward...(I do that on my own, and ONLY me)
I refuse to depend on you for a feeling of self worth...
I refuse to let you control what I do...Or don't do...
I refuse to think that highly of you, when you don't even ask how I'm doing,
I refuse to be concerned with the thought of pissing you off, I hope this pisses you off, not that you'll ever read this,
I refuse to feel inferior to you,
I refuse to think I'm not going places-come May, you'll see...
I refuse to let myself feel unimportant-thanks to you,
I refuse to actually care about what you think of me,

I basically will remain the same awesome person I am, random,awkward,personable,loyal, and all around lovable...Besides, right now I'm training a VIP at the bakery, so much to focus on, so little time...

Freebie

     This post was inspired by a reader/good friend's(Who shall remain nameless) post on social media. Thank you, and I miss you! Stop in the bakery soon!

     So Ellie May, who may or may not be the previously mentioned one. Stopped in the bakery about a week ago. It was fun to catch up and all. But it soon all went wrong. See not only does Ellie May not work there anymore, not only does she distract Bubba Joe Jack...still, she asked for free donuts, as it was close to closing time. Everyone agreed the decision fell on me. No pressure or anything. Bubba Joe Jack mentioned that we sell icing to a previous employee. I replied "keyword- sell", to which he promptly just stared at me as if a child would that had just been hurt by unkind words. I said "I could ask Vic". To which I knew she would promptly reply "Oh no, that's fine, I just wondered, no need to bother her".

     Which leads me to the post from a good friend stated, "Friends will ask or discount prices. True friends will pay full price, to support you, your time and your work." How silly was I to think Ellie a true friend, however, the post stated that ordinary friends ask for discounts. Ellie was asking for a flat out freebie. So what does that make her? Just how close is she to Bubba to ask a thing like that of us? It seems to me Ellie and Bubba, just aren't as close as they like to think they are...

     In conclusion, what we can take away from this story is that I was silly to think Ellie&Bubba  true friends, even among themselves, and I so totally miss the good friend that inspired this post! Also there was a fourth person/reader/friend that was witness to this event, but she like the good friend is awesome, and so shall remain nameless as well.

Bad Reputation?

     Sorry for forgetting indents last time! Got in a rush, and oops!

     But I got thinking back to this one time in high school, in the choir room...This one girl we shall call "Derwood", you shall see why in a minute, I started talking to. I was being nice,polite, and friendly, as I knew I had mutual friends with this girl;However, I was shocked at her response to my friendliness. Without taking the time to know me at all, Derwood started to say all these bad things about me. That I was mean, fake, and above all else, that I was a terrible friend, to one of our mutual friends we shall call "Kay". Without saying what made me a terrible friend...

     This got me thinking, had we had any fights? No. Did I ignore any phone calls? I didn't get any. I held normal high school self involved conversations with Kay, where we were both guilty of self involvement. To this day, I still plan get togethers with Kay involved, we'll go see a movie and then out to eat...She, meaning Kay, still invites me to her birthday gatherings, which Derwood is not invited to,hmmm? I've messaged Kay on Facebook, when she posts a concerning status update, found out what's wrong...

     If I'm really that terrible a friend to Kay, where's Derwood then? Oh right, busy with a family, last I checked, ignoring Kay...Who's really the bad friend? Maybe Kay was secretly mad at me for something...I don't know what that could have been, and our friendship has certainly moved past...Whatever it was...Derwood though, can't fix her chip on her shoulder. She wants fake, I know where to find it, I guarantee though, it's not me. I'm 'bout as real as they come, always have been, always will be...

Let Me Take a Minute

I need a minute to discuss some things that are important to me...

First off, I am a Lutheran, I believe in God. You, may or may not, that's fine.That's not what this post is about. I was baptized ELCA, confirmed as an adult LCMS, and raised to be, generally speaking, a kind person-and know that I am only a human, and we all sin-above all else. I did not grow up going to church. As such, my personal views are not always based with the church's opinion, but rather, based on the upbringing that my Lutheran mother provided me. That's why I refuse to disown my gay,lesbian,and bisexual family,friends, and other acquaintances. I never was raised to hate someone because of who they love, but instead love them, all the same. For what the church may consider a sin, I sin, just in different ways. Sin is sin, from what I've learned, you can't change that, but that's just it, I don't consider love a sin, never have, never will. Yes, I disagree with the church, yet I still identify as Lutheran, that's what I know, and I don't intend to change that. Don't try to.

Also, when it comes to religion, for a family gathering, I am supposed to come up with a "God sighting" in my life this year. Let's see, after my Grandmother's passing in June, I've been given the opportunity to volunteer at my local hospice house, as a way to give back. I've been given the opportunity to write this blog, which has reached many friends& family, not to mention many countries around the world. Receiving comments, that either make me feel like I'm not the only one with CP, Anxiety, or Depression, something that I struggled with. I've also  received comments that my fellow classmates from high school, will use my blog, to teach important lessons to their children, when they get old enough. So I have been blessed this year, knowing that my struggles will be worth a lesson to the next generation.

And about that memoir, I have a title, a cover, and about three pages that I plan to scrap and start over on. The three pages, that is. The title and the cover stay. So my new year's resolution, is  to get cracking on the memoir, hopefully write the whole thing and just worry about getting it published, but we shall see. These things take time, especially when I'm set to graduate in May of this year, have an internship coming up, hospice volunteering, not to mention church choir. So, please don't think I've forgotten, for all you fans of the blog, out there.

Thanks for all the blog love in 2015, and here's to many more years to come.
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