As you can probably guess from the title, there's quite a few things I should be doing.Let me list them, I should be:
1.Updating my resume-formatting, cool headings and the like...
2. Actually writing a cover letter since my old ones are extremely outdated...
3. Possibly adding my LinkedIn profile to a fore mentioned resume-since most places ask for it anyways...
4. Organizing my books- I have two overflowing bags there of I have yet to read...
5. Deciding what e-reader to get once I read through said books/price comparisons-Amazon is probably the winner what with the kindle, but there are others that are more cost effective...
6. Cleaning-in general-the den, my room, my areas, my life, I'm all over the place...
7.Prepping for interviews-clearly researching...
8. Doing more job searching-since I don't have anything guaranteed past Nov.12th of this year...
What am I doing? You may ask yourself...Well going to art festivals, reading one of many books I have to read, and overall avoiding anything work related like it was the plague.Not to mention watching "Poldark" repeats, when not blogging to you, dear readers. Will I ever write something professionally, maybe not, but I will give whomever has to wipe my computer clean one heck of a something to read before they do. Still have a page and a half worth of essay/memoir material, only. Any thoughts you want my take on, let me know, otherwise, till next time...
Sunday, September 24, 2017
Sunday, September 10, 2017
Pumpkin Spice Is Nice, and Other Thoughts...
As the title says, Pumpkin Spice is quite nice, and I love it. Not quite as much as I love Egg-nog lattes, but you usually find those in more treacherous conditions, so not quite as accessible. Did I buy little pumpkin spice coffee pods? Of course I did...
Also, for the first time since maybe, junior year of college, I put on make-up, and without looking like a clown. Not that you really need to know this, but considering it was once one of the things my life revolved around in middle/high school, and college Lyrica concerts, deep blue and purple roll-on eye shadow were my faves, I also coincidentally thought I was really hot stuff back then...then reality eventually set in, and I realized my true adorableness as my strongest asset...I know I don't need it, but the fact that I had to take the time to carefully apply it in what is a blurry mess that is my eyesight, I felt accomplished, like I had polished my appearance today.
This brings me to-World Suicide Prevention Day is today, September 10th. If you need help, google it, and look at the countless resources there are, prevention hotlines. As someone who decided to stay on this earth, back in 2013, it was rough...Please allow me to discuss once again my position at the time, I had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression to almost the point of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), I let thoughts ruminate in my head. Thoughts that everyone hated me, I was not loved by anyone, alone, separated from friends and family, and quite frankly December 2013, at age 24, was having hallucinations, sometimes taking as needed medication-most often not actually when I needed to, most times turning to having a drink, I was in the behavioral health ward of the local hospital over Christmas that year, as I had at least two if not three plans to kill myself. Once finding medication that calmed me to the point I could tell what was a dream, or nightmare rather, and what in fact was reality. It also made me lactate something fierce. Main thing, it allowed me to be released from treatment on new years eve day I believe. I also had come to the conclusion I no longer wanted to take my life. It did not end there, no I was court ordered to outpatient therapy, regular ol' therapy and medication, that they luckily changed to something that got rid of the lactating till August of 2014.
I still go to regular ol' therapy, and will be on medication the rest of my life. While no, I am not in a relationship, there are people who love me, people who hate me and I constantly have to prove wrong. I have a job now where I feel appreciated, where if I start having a panic attack I can leave, go see my therapist. I understand what wanting to commit suicide, and planning a suicide feels like, what some of what may be going through your head. But whatever your reasons are for leaving this life, I guarantee that with some help, there are more to stay, 4 years after the fact, I can look back on this experience, combine it with almost having my life taken from me what with blood clots and bleeding on the brain in July of 2016 due to birth control pills, and say, staying is so much more worth it than what it may seem. Harder than it looks, but worth every minute of it.
Also, for the first time since maybe, junior year of college, I put on make-up, and without looking like a clown. Not that you really need to know this, but considering it was once one of the things my life revolved around in middle/high school, and college Lyrica concerts, deep blue and purple roll-on eye shadow were my faves, I also coincidentally thought I was really hot stuff back then...then reality eventually set in, and I realized my true adorableness as my strongest asset...I know I don't need it, but the fact that I had to take the time to carefully apply it in what is a blurry mess that is my eyesight, I felt accomplished, like I had polished my appearance today.
This brings me to-World Suicide Prevention Day is today, September 10th. If you need help, google it, and look at the countless resources there are, prevention hotlines. As someone who decided to stay on this earth, back in 2013, it was rough...Please allow me to discuss once again my position at the time, I had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression to almost the point of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), I let thoughts ruminate in my head. Thoughts that everyone hated me, I was not loved by anyone, alone, separated from friends and family, and quite frankly December 2013, at age 24, was having hallucinations, sometimes taking as needed medication-most often not actually when I needed to, most times turning to having a drink, I was in the behavioral health ward of the local hospital over Christmas that year, as I had at least two if not three plans to kill myself. Once finding medication that calmed me to the point I could tell what was a dream, or nightmare rather, and what in fact was reality. It also made me lactate something fierce. Main thing, it allowed me to be released from treatment on new years eve day I believe. I also had come to the conclusion I no longer wanted to take my life. It did not end there, no I was court ordered to outpatient therapy, regular ol' therapy and medication, that they luckily changed to something that got rid of the lactating till August of 2014.
I still go to regular ol' therapy, and will be on medication the rest of my life. While no, I am not in a relationship, there are people who love me, people who hate me and I constantly have to prove wrong. I have a job now where I feel appreciated, where if I start having a panic attack I can leave, go see my therapist. I understand what wanting to commit suicide, and planning a suicide feels like, what some of what may be going through your head. But whatever your reasons are for leaving this life, I guarantee that with some help, there are more to stay, 4 years after the fact, I can look back on this experience, combine it with almost having my life taken from me what with blood clots and bleeding on the brain in July of 2016 due to birth control pills, and say, staying is so much more worth it than what it may seem. Harder than it looks, but worth every minute of it.
Tuesday, August 29, 2017
It's not me, It's just you though (93rd post)...
How many times have I mistakenly been called a lesbian? Oh let me count the ways...
Not that I can really blame them, the stereotypical short hair-but not spikey butch looking really-it's more the early stages of a mullet,
The rainbow shoes, the rainbow being associated with lgbtq culture, that I wear quite often,
Not having had a boyfriend since age 9 (all my cute years wasted!).
Nevermind the fact that my male counterparts are doing what?
Being destructive,
Drinking in excess,
But not all of them,
Some are married,
In relationships,
Working-starting a career,
Supporting themselves.
So as one can see, the good ones are in the same stage as me-working hard to earn a living. I love my lgbtq friends, dearly, and want them never to change who they are , just as I love all my friends whom should never change...But if you think that I am anything other than straight, it's the simple fact that you're an ass, and it is just that I probs never liked you to begin with... ahh, unrequited longing, sad, so sad...
Not that I can really blame them, the stereotypical short hair-but not spikey butch looking really-it's more the early stages of a mullet,
The rainbow shoes, the rainbow being associated with lgbtq culture, that I wear quite often,
Not having had a boyfriend since age 9 (all my cute years wasted!).
Nevermind the fact that my male counterparts are doing what?
Being destructive,
Drinking in excess,
But not all of them,
Some are married,
In relationships,
Working-starting a career,
Supporting themselves.
So as one can see, the good ones are in the same stage as me-working hard to earn a living. I love my lgbtq friends, dearly, and want them never to change who they are , just as I love all my friends whom should never change...But if you think that I am anything other than straight, it's the simple fact that you're an ass, and it is just that I probs never liked you to begin with... ahh, unrequited longing, sad, so sad...
Thursday, July 13, 2017
Feeling Funky
So, yesterday marks a year since went in the hospital with blood clots and bleeding on the brain, and, I don't know why, but it's got me in a funk, as of late. Maybe, just maybe, so you know what depression/anxiety sounds and/or feels like, I thought I'd describe it to you, from my eyes, at least...
No, depression & anxiety does not automatically mean I'm considering death, but rather, it means...Communicating with people only via email, not even phone calls, being asked by some of those closest to you, to share your "indestructibility"knowing full well that it is not that, but rather, your faith in God, that pulled you through, and that if you could just bottle even a little of that shit- and give it to those you care about, YOU WOULD.....Ohhhh, but you can't. It feels like a million little thoughts rushing around in your head, struggling to get themselves onto the crowded elevators and to the right floors but yet, majority of them get off at the wrong floor at least once, that floor being my memory, creating all sorts of little flashbacks, to what I did wrong. Be it said, did, didn't say, wish I said...And I tell myself, out loud, so that everyone can hear me saying "Linds, you did nothing wrong, you were a good girl", then I think to myself, why girl? I am a 27 year old woman now, a young-ish lady, if you must.
It's the constant doubt that others only like you because of someone else you're related to, or that they only like you because you're disabled, and you have to be nice to disabled people, because we can't be anything other than that, nice...When all I want to say is that if you hate me, don't treat me like a friend, no-no, block my crazy ass if that's how you really feel, I can't stand anybody that thinks that...
No anxiety and depression, is what makes me want to quit one of the places I love most, because I fear I can be replaced by someone else, and that those I hold near and dear in my heart would be able to get out of there without me, even quicker....
No, right now am living in constant fear, that I WILL be replaced, if not at one place, in one capacity, then I will at another, in some other way...with nowhere else to go, I am a cat backed into a corner, about to be snatched, and my only option is to claw the eyes out of my foes...as my last defense...
Whatever happened to me? I don't know...
No, depression & anxiety does not automatically mean I'm considering death, but rather, it means...Communicating with people only via email, not even phone calls, being asked by some of those closest to you, to share your "indestructibility"knowing full well that it is not that, but rather, your faith in God, that pulled you through, and that if you could just bottle even a little of that shit- and give it to those you care about, YOU WOULD.....Ohhhh, but you can't. It feels like a million little thoughts rushing around in your head, struggling to get themselves onto the crowded elevators and to the right floors but yet, majority of them get off at the wrong floor at least once, that floor being my memory, creating all sorts of little flashbacks, to what I did wrong. Be it said, did, didn't say, wish I said...And I tell myself, out loud, so that everyone can hear me saying "Linds, you did nothing wrong, you were a good girl", then I think to myself, why girl? I am a 27 year old woman now, a young-ish lady, if you must.
It's the constant doubt that others only like you because of someone else you're related to, or that they only like you because you're disabled, and you have to be nice to disabled people, because we can't be anything other than that, nice...When all I want to say is that if you hate me, don't treat me like a friend, no-no, block my crazy ass if that's how you really feel, I can't stand anybody that thinks that...
No anxiety and depression, is what makes me want to quit one of the places I love most, because I fear I can be replaced by someone else, and that those I hold near and dear in my heart would be able to get out of there without me, even quicker....
No, right now am living in constant fear, that I WILL be replaced, if not at one place, in one capacity, then I will at another, in some other way...with nowhere else to go, I am a cat backed into a corner, about to be snatched, and my only option is to claw the eyes out of my foes...as my last defense...
Whatever happened to me? I don't know...
Thursday, June 8, 2017
National Best Friends Day (91st post)
I know most people have that one friend that they are closer to than all the others. Not to piss any of my friends off,but I don't honestly have a best friend, I have best friends. My dear mother (of which I just pronounced MOTHAAAAHHH in my head), kinda hit it on the head, when she said "you don't build friendships, you build families", the more I think about it, I'd say my Mom ( or MOTHAAAAHHH) is right.
I have my family most of whom I consider friends, the friends that will never change. You also have my Bakery Fam, the ones that aren't my MOTHAAAAHHH, the friends which I was put with, and am now stuck with for a good loooong time, and still have dinner with, go see movies with, or get them b-day cards, still, and I try and make sure they have something to open Christmas Eve at the Bakery.
Then you have my friends that I've known since forever, they might as well be family, we may not be that close anymore, but you're still checking in, aren't you?
My friends from my middle/high school days, we are still close, even though we are terribly busy with our own lives, and working like crazy people, we still get together when our paths all allow us to breathe for a brief moment, and a glimpse of simplicity.They are like family to me.
Then there's my dear Church Fam. My dear brothers and sisters, so to speak. They keep me in tune with my religion, tis the music that brought me in in all honesty, I stayed for the atmosphere, that of yet another fam.
If you don't find yourself, or rather, yoself in one of these categories, don't worry eventually I'll be that sister you never had, nor knew you wanted. It's only a matter of time...
Instagram- @lindsayroach
Twitter- @ LindsMRoach
Facebook Page- Lindsay Roach-Blogger
I have my family most of whom I consider friends, the friends that will never change. You also have my Bakery Fam, the ones that aren't my MOTHAAAAHHH, the friends which I was put with, and am now stuck with for a good loooong time, and still have dinner with, go see movies with, or get them b-day cards, still, and I try and make sure they have something to open Christmas Eve at the Bakery.
Then you have my friends that I've known since forever, they might as well be family, we may not be that close anymore, but you're still checking in, aren't you?
My friends from my middle/high school days, we are still close, even though we are terribly busy with our own lives, and working like crazy people, we still get together when our paths all allow us to breathe for a brief moment, and a glimpse of simplicity.They are like family to me.
Then there's my dear Church Fam. My dear brothers and sisters, so to speak. They keep me in tune with my religion, tis the music that brought me in in all honesty, I stayed for the atmosphere, that of yet another fam.
If you don't find yourself, or rather, yoself in one of these categories, don't worry eventually I'll be that sister you never had, nor knew you wanted. It's only a matter of time...
Instagram- @lindsayroach
Twitter- @ LindsMRoach
Facebook Page- Lindsay Roach-Blogger
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
I'm Going To Do This
Yes, I, am going to write about relationships, kinda, again...
So there's this one guy, I shall dub "Octav", now Octav has been coming in the bakery solid for like a year now, at least semi-regularly, sometimes during the week, but I don't work week days anymore, Saturdays are all I care about.
This guy comes in the Bakery and usually gets out a "Hi, how are you?" before I can fully grasp that I need to respond, I'm really socially awkward, in my opinion, so I just respond "Hi, good, how are you? He then tells me exactly what he wants, I get it for him, money is exchanged in the proper amounts, and then he says "Thank you, have a good day!" without being prompted, to which I reply " Thanks, you too!" To which he says "Thanks" then leaves the store till the next weekend...
What bothers me is that I don't even know this guy's actual name! I never ask! Frankly, I'm not sure how to ask, without sounding creepy and drooling out the side of my mouth, and if I do say so myself, he's not bad looking, at all. But that's just it, I don't know, I don't know who all he's buying donuts for, himself, girlfriend, wife, friends, hey who knows, maybe he's buying for his boyfriend?
All I know is that I legitimately like this guy as a customer, and I want to know more, without screwing up "the balance" of the bakery. And I would watch a bunch of YouTube videos from professional advice givers, but I seriously doubt they have a video on how to ask your favorite customer's name, that you just so happen to find attractive, and doesn't seem to stare at my right hand.
Maybe this guy's just being nice, maybe he's already taken, maybe I'm his favorite counter help at the bakery, but who knows? Not me, that's why I MUST find out, but how, any similar situations? Message me on my FB page, twitter, what have you, I need help!!!
So there's this one guy, I shall dub "Octav", now Octav has been coming in the bakery solid for like a year now, at least semi-regularly, sometimes during the week, but I don't work week days anymore, Saturdays are all I care about.
This guy comes in the Bakery and usually gets out a "Hi, how are you?" before I can fully grasp that I need to respond, I'm really socially awkward, in my opinion, so I just respond "Hi, good, how are you? He then tells me exactly what he wants, I get it for him, money is exchanged in the proper amounts, and then he says "Thank you, have a good day!" without being prompted, to which I reply " Thanks, you too!" To which he says "Thanks" then leaves the store till the next weekend...
What bothers me is that I don't even know this guy's actual name! I never ask! Frankly, I'm not sure how to ask, without sounding creepy and drooling out the side of my mouth, and if I do say so myself, he's not bad looking, at all. But that's just it, I don't know, I don't know who all he's buying donuts for, himself, girlfriend, wife, friends, hey who knows, maybe he's buying for his boyfriend?
All I know is that I legitimately like this guy as a customer, and I want to know more, without screwing up "the balance" of the bakery. And I would watch a bunch of YouTube videos from professional advice givers, but I seriously doubt they have a video on how to ask your favorite customer's name, that you just so happen to find attractive, and doesn't seem to stare at my right hand.
Maybe this guy's just being nice, maybe he's already taken, maybe I'm his favorite counter help at the bakery, but who knows? Not me, that's why I MUST find out, but how, any similar situations? Message me on my FB page, twitter, what have you, I need help!!!
Friday, May 12, 2017
Like This!
What's the old saying, "a watched pot never boils"? I think that's what Ma always said growing up...Among other things, but enough about that, this blog is about ME!...
But seriously, you know you're always welcome to like, comment, or share anything I post on here, or my Facebook page-https://www.facebook.com/lindsayslifewithcp/, follow me on twitter- @LindsMRoach, or Instagram- lindsayroach. My rules for actually friending someone are as follows- I have to actually have met you in real life, it's not that difficult...Safety reasons...
I would say I don't care if you like me or not but who am I kidding, I used to be a Sociology major back in the day, we as people, are social creatures, we want to be liked, I just have the worst timing imaginable when it comes to people actually being awake to read, watch things, which brings me to,linzr89, is a YouTube channel you should check out. In short, read, connect, interact, tell me what you want to read about, and have a great weekend.
But seriously, you know you're always welcome to like, comment, or share anything I post on here, or my Facebook page-https://www.facebook.com/lindsayslifewithcp/, follow me on twitter- @LindsMRoach, or Instagram- lindsayroach. My rules for actually friending someone are as follows- I have to actually have met you in real life, it's not that difficult...Safety reasons...
I would say I don't care if you like me or not but who am I kidding, I used to be a Sociology major back in the day, we as people, are social creatures, we want to be liked, I just have the worst timing imaginable when it comes to people actually being awake to read, watch things, which brings me to,linzr89, is a YouTube channel you should check out. In short, read, connect, interact, tell me what you want to read about, and have a great weekend.
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