Lately I Just...

    Writing a book is harder than it looks, Dear Readers. Hence why I'm still on maybe 3 to 4 pages in... But in the meantime I do blog/diary when the opportunity presents itself...Yes I journal for the whole world to see...You could say that it all started when I was really little, and at a Pella family Christmas, one of my male cousins, or in actuality second cousins, (I can explain, Dad was raised by his Uncle and Aunt, so I grew up till age 13 thinking they were 1st cousins, Why? Cuz I was a very self-centered little girl) gave me a journal/ Diary (don't ask why you would use one or the other IDK, google it and get back to me) that I would write my school crushes in, which I know for a fact, some have read this blog, or at least liked my posts 👍😀😁😂. Furthermore some may be reading this right now...

     But anyways, Dear Readers, Facebook and social media does have constraints, so I only know so much on that...That one diary turned into far too many diaries, and I'm sorry dear cousin, did nothing for my handwriting, which is still a strong " Unique accordion style", but then it turned into me having my own computer, away from the crazy-strict parental controls, of my right-wing extremist Father, who thought that me being a co-president of Spectrum (the lgbtqA emphasis on the A-for Ally), that I was going to be turned into a lesbian...despite the fact that I'm an ally so that my friends and family that are L, G, or B, or something else, were not attacked for being so (Emphasis on the wrong one, Dad)...

     So I graduated from college once, lived a little, failed & got up again-a little, went back to school and during that experimented with blogging,  where I could write and have my handwriting not factor in, in the least...AS WELL as being a safe experiment than drugs or alcohol as when I started this blog in 2015, I was legal to use all those, and on enough prescribed meds, that I had given up alcohol, and had no interest in drugs.

      My former bosses up until the point though, whether I was leaving, due to them covering for their favorite male employees, far too many times, and it was complete sarcasm-shortly after being diagnosed with anxiety and depression, or had known me since I was 5 years old, and let me call them "Grandma" and genuinely meant it, always told me " You should be a writer"...As such I'm still taking their advice, and plan to celebrate once done...So there...


Yes readers this blog is like my side of any conversation with me, random!

I want to know what "Normal" is...

Readers,

So my therapy appointment went well last Friday, and I feel hopeful that my ruminating thoughts and doubts might be able to return to being kept at bay...As the sad fact is,  that anxiety and depression, can only be treated, never cured, you might be in remission, but the thoughts and doubts will always be lurking in the background.

To help myself out after the power steering went out on my car, I cranked it all the way back to the dealership, blinkers blazing the way. last Saturday, and then was dumbfounded when I had chest pains on Monday as I was going to my fave bookstore, then to my temp job (Which ends Friday-then it's back to bakery!)...

I celebrate the other half of #Lindsaity's birthday Friday with her, and must say I'm quite excited to catch up over the last few weeks since the book sale. I wish her the best of Birthdays coming up seeing as it is quite the milestone...

Basically readers, I'm awaiting my life's return to "normal", if there is such a thing, I'm slowly thinking about what to save for my memoir about my life so far. Yes, I'm still working on that...

Stay tuned...

All I have to do...

     Yes readers, it's been far too long, and right now, with my anxiety and depression on the rise, I'm hoping someone, somewhere, out there in the blog-o-sphere will hear, comprehend what I'm saying, and just listen to my first world problems, that a nearly 30 year old has had, any nearly 30 year old has had. And when I say nearly 30, I mean in August, and I still live in the same house, with my Ma, yes, I had an early twenties crisis, and now that I've had a month or so without a therapist ( seeing one on Friday), an almost 30 crisis...
     My younger child-like self would be exponentially disappointed with me...I'm not a do it all-er as I once hoped, no professional singing gig, no professional writing deal, no judging or lawyering, I'm not even a paralegal at the moment... I'M. NOT. EVEN, a traffic directing officer, as I believe I once wanted to be...
     On the bright side, I work at a bakery on Saturdays right now, and a temp job as an admin assistant that I am #blessed to say, I accepted, wondering how long it is before I'm back at the beloved Bakery, the safety net, upon which I have come to rest, when the rest of my privileged world is crashing around me for the last 15 years...
     I've decided I'm meant to be an angry, bitter, old, lonely woman, as men my age range, or boys, are too drunken to realize, I'm not automatically, hopping in to bed, based on some random ass conversations, nor is my still technically teenage friend, whose Father, you technically are old enough to be...Pervs.
     Yes, mentally, I am crumbling, yet on the outside, am perky, smiley, and couldn't be happier, no, nothing drastic will happen readers, but stay tuned, for more in the ongoing battle that is me being double-teamed by anxiety and depression...See all I have to do, is blog.
     
       

The 2018 Christmas Season

I've been thinking...My family is my family, my friends have shown themselves this year, I love them dearly , Those that have shown themselves to not be friends, I still wish them the best, as I know it's not good to harbor ill-will towards others, and I genuinely am indifferent about them as they are towards me...I know I am fully capable of holding a grudge, but do not even harbor ill-will against my Father, instead I pray someday he comes to his senses-gives up the strong political stances-he has not, hence as a 29 year old woman, I choose to distance myself, from someone who verbally, mentally and emotionally was abusive as a child and a teenager.

No, I still hold strong that someday I really will get world peace, however brief, I will get it. The creepers of the world will get help that is needed, and stop creepin' on me...That day however, is far from today I believe.

I wish all of you dear readers, a Merry Christmas, do not forget the true reason for the season, but rather, focus on all he did and wished for the world, peace and love for one another.

#NoMoR

     Dear Readers,
So some other things occurred to me today...

      I really do enjoy Sunday School teaching! I have a great group of youths in my class, and overall, no problems...Everyone keeps asking me if I do, so just thought I'd clear the air on that topic.

     World CP day was yesterday October 6th, 2018, I didn't wear green, I plum forgot to write a blog post, so I scrambled after I got home from work and just made a status saying that I have CP on FB.

     Then I got to thinking about everything I say after Pastor's sermon on "Taming the Tongue" How often do I respond to hatred with hatred, anger with more anger, knowing full well that two wrongs simply do not make a right, not even when someone uses the dreaded "R"-word against me, should I retort, or gossip about them now, about a word that they were having with a mutual friend while I was on a staircase at the mutual friends house, my Freshman year of College. Did I tell one person about this young woman doing this, no, after she stopped in the bakery this past week, as if she didn't even know my name, let alone what she had called me, I was enraged by this and told everyone at the bakery, as well as all of you now...

     Is there any sort of #MeToo movement for the "R" word, are people that say "Retard/ed", are their lives ruined, reputations tarnished, branded as evil,fired from jobs...The answer is no. These people are laughed with, make up part of a mob mentality that lingers on, that is hateful towards the disabled, that's the mentality that leads to people being beaten simply because THEY ARE Disabled.

AND NO, I am not saying that being sexually assaulted and being disabled are one in the same, just saying there is not enough being done for other oppressed groups, and while yes while I do stand in support of those women and men that have been hurt, we are leaving out a group of individuals that in certain circumstances cannot advocate for themselves...

Observations October 5th, 2018

     Hello readers,
So it's been at least a month if not longer since I typed you...We are now in October, 2018, the month where "slutty whores" can dress up as, well, their "true colors" shall we say, and where I am racking my brain trying to figure out how to get " The Sloth" onesie into my Board of Youth "Owl" you need is Jesus Trunk or Treat theme...Speaking of which, if you have any ideas on how to tie the two together, lemme know!

     It also occurred to me that while I love the bakery, I need to step out on my own once again, doing cold calls and trying to find someone who just might hire a non-bilingual paralegal... With about a year of experience...

     I also cannot be a binge watcher because, well, I've got too much crap going on to do so, however, I'm finding the good in TV and social media and using it to distract myself from my real issues...Which then allows me to work on said issues say, Daddy issues for example, in therapy, with a unbiased professional...

     Basically I'm still the same ol' Linds, you've all come to know, that's finally starting to get to the root of the problem, and am starting to come to terms with the stuff that I cannot control...

July Flying By...

     I am just FULL of realizations today, dear readers...Like how we are almost halfway through the month, and I have yet to blog something. So, here ya are!

     I have gotten a full-time job in an office setting, worked two days, then gotten "let go", luckily I still have the ever wonderfully weird Bakery to fall back on...A bicycling event is stopping in town, I will not be a part of it, just probably selling donuts and the like, at the beloved bakery in town. I've had almost a complete turnover of mental health care providers, so yes, I have been having much "fun" with that-trying to get appointments set up. Lately I've attended garden art fairs and book sales, been reading ( I like to have at least 6 books going at once), relaxation afternoons with a friend, missional community-FOR CHURCH...training at work, eating, sleeping, repeating, and trying to stay altogether while trying to figure out what to write in my draft of my memoir next...Not to mention preparing for vacation bible school at the church later this month, as well as being a Sunday School Teacher later this fall, praying with all my might, that everything will be made clear for me, and that it happens sooner rather than later...

     So if you have any ideas on what to write next-I'd love to hear them!

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Slow Down

     So for those who don't know, the sloth is my spirit animal, if there is such a thing? Don't think I seriously believe in spirit animals, I believe as a LCMS Lutheran, I believe that although I am a sinner, that Jesus died for my sins, and have a firm belief in the Trinity...
     But if there were spirit animals, the sloth would be mine. Slow, relaxed, in thought process and decision making, as I aim to be...Not to say that I don't make rash decisions at times, am impulsive, two of my many sins, at times. But then again, if we're all being honest with ourselves, aren't we all.
      It also occurred to me that more often than not, I am rushing to get places, driving from point A to point B, and often hitting every red light, as if they were out to get me. Knowing full well, that if I refer back to my beliefs, I will know it is God's way of telling me to slow down,  the world will not end, even if I am in fact, a few minutes late...(Not a hour and 20 minutes late, like some at work, just a few.)Even though it stresses my anxious and depressed mind out to no end, that it will not be the death of me. Take the time to get there, or end up doing something I shouldn't have and winding up in an accident,or worse, really have it be the death of me...
      How often do we rush around this world, without slowing down to stop and take it all in? Say "Thank you" or "I love you" to those we work with, that are around us, or care about? That's just it, I'm only human, and I seem to err all the dang time...I'm not saying a constant stream of loving messages should be spewed, but every once in a while couldn't hurt.

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Random Number 4

     I woke up today, to be reminded of my first time being asked back to the bakery...
A mansplaining dude (and I mean a dude, younger, long haired hippy, as my Grandfather would have described him...) comes in the bakery...

      Now, said dude, had apparently almost had an accident with my prior elderly female customer, on the way over, and said dude, flipped her off, to express his frustration/anger, with the lady. Dude also mansplained that he was fearful, as he saw her come in twice ( once to get product, the other looking for her sunglasses) since he had in fact flipped her off on his way in.

     Me: "Well, if you're not prepared to deal with consequences, maybe you shouldn't flip people off, the reason she came back was to look for her sunglasses. (that were on her forehead, the entire time...)"

     Dude then mansplained that I had offended him, judged him, and wanted to talk to my manager...So I got her, explained what I had said, then let him mansplain, his butthurt story to my now former manager...She basically stated what I had, and that seemed to satisfy said victim mind set  dude, and he left...


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Belonging

     So for those of you that know, I went to a gathering for some of the ladies at my church. A good portion of the time spent was focused on getting to know each other outside of church, a wonderful idea I might add. But something I had to get off my chest, when it comes to belonging at a church, there was a time I felt I didn't belong, even at my church...Let me explain.
     
     My Father was still in the household, and I felt obligated to go on Christmas Eve and Easter as a teenager, but otherwise, I was almost banished from church, I felt like, there were families that always greeted me, asking why I wasn't in Sunday School, or the youth groups, and to be honest, I never knew why, other than it didn't fit into my Father's plans...I had to go directly home, get a letter grade on my behavior at church, and then a second, unofficial sermon, one that pointed out what my father disagreed with...Gee, what 16-17 year-old wouldn't want that???

     As a child, we didn't have a church in Ames, and if we went, my dad, sometimes had to drag me and my bicycle up hills quite literally, as I was about to drop, from exhaustion, it felt like...Yes Mom and Brother took the air-conditioned car, I had to bike, with my Father. I was baptized at my Mother's Lutheran church in Des Moines as a baby, and for some reason, had negative views of physically going to church growing up.

     It wasn't until my Sophomore year of college, while living on campus, and literally, down some steps and across the street, and down a hill, that I started going to the church, on my own there, went to the college age meetings, and had my preconceived notions bout why those groups were created, that offended some, and I was once again, a baptized Lutheran, feeling shunned.

     Fast Forward a few years, I was out of school, my parents had separated, and I was going to church,my current church, when I wasn't saving the other half of the week from utter chaos at work...I got bold and after a time & talent sermon, decided to give the parish choir a try. I was welcomed in,  as you'll know my joining choirs, was where I most often laid down the groundwork for friendships. These developed, and then I was asked to join the youth board, and I wan't even a full fledged member of the church in my own right, after that I was selected to be a district YWR, and I'd never even gone through Confirmation, so Pastor quickly got me through adult Confirmation, and then maybe a month later I was the only YWR from the Boone Zone at the district convention, where I worshiped, fellowshiped, and got a standing ovation for my performance as "Nervous Nell, I've stayed active in the choir, when my schedule allows, and am trying to get back into working with the youth and education realms, where as a child/teenager, I was lacking in my spiritual growth...Do I feel like I belong now? Of course, and it's not that I ever felt shunned by the congregation from coming, but more not allowed by my Father...
   

No, I don't want...

     Ya know, I CANNOT say how much #CPChatNow, has been a Godsend for me, till some dude comes along and ruins it, with a #CPChatNude...Dude, #sorrynotsorry, I'm gonna call you out on the BS, and tell you, it's TMI, especially when there are high schoolers joining the chat, ain't nobody got time for that...No, I don't want to join you in your hashtaging, and no, I'm not sorry, I typed it...

     The same goes for telling 18 yr olds about the time you dated a high schooler while in college...Linny (as my Grandma Ruth would say) ain't got time for that...

      Also, to that one Sophomore to my Freshman in High School, that got me threatened with expulsion (for false accusations I might add) my FIRST day of high school, because I wouldn't make conversation with you, till you stated a fact, that I have a nice hair color, then dated some other girl, another Freshman, while you both dyed your hair my color, then turned a radiant shade of orange...okay, so I had a crush, till the false tan orange, that shit's not natural....

     In conclusion, guys, please save it for somebody who cares...

Independent

     To the majority of you, you may not be in Iowa, but let me explain. Today is the primary in Iowa, or if you look up what that is, you vote to help decide who  goes on to run, in this case most notably, for Governor. As well as if you know me, AT ALL, you know unlike my right-wing father, and left-wing brother, that I hate politics. As such, I refuse to have any political party affiliation. So, come primaries, I get no option to vote for, as I believe, when voting, it really is choosing the lesser of the evils, and the primaries are really just a bunch of hokum, about people that were already running anyways, it's basically just the cue for the others to drop out of said political race...
     You might figure that with my Father & Brother being so active in the political realm, that I might actually care, but you see, the competing testosterone, while I love them, kind of killed my enthusiasm about politics, so I take my Mother's & Grandfather's approach to politics, which is this-choosing the lesser of the evils...And while in my youth, I voted for some republicans, since they seem to want control over every female body, even in some cases of rape or incest, if not properly documented, with none for males, I've been a liberal-leaning independent, ever since...

     Regardless of your political influences, dear Readers, you do read my blog, so that's step one, to becoming, no I'm just kidding, do what you want...

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With A Grain of Salt

     Dear Readers,
It occurred to me last night that Ethel, who is the whole reason I wrote this blog (See "The Reason I Wrote This Blog"), talks shit about anybody who is not there...And by there, I mean, in the same room, apparently, cuz I don't leave the floors sopping wet upon mopping them...that she told one of my coworkers it looked as though I hadn't mopped. I thought we were past this, we got along this time, I then I find out about this comment...And then I remembered what one of my cousins, said about my Aunt, after my Grandmother, literally, had just passed, you have to take everything she says with a grain of salt. I didn't know what to think about this phrase "With a grain of salt", but I feel in this situation, it fits even more accurately than it did about my aunt. See, Ethel is overly critical of everyone but herself, as I said earlier, when not in the same room as them.
     Ethel is a lonely older woman, with nothing better to do than criticize, and complain about how no man loves her, as a conversation starter to her teenage coworkers, I know this, as I started when I was 14...Rather than get on the internet, and instead of using it to stalk her hated coworkers, put aside all her fears, and join a dating site, for crap's sake...
     But then again, I save the "No man loves me" drama talks for my Mama, or this lovely blog, you happen to be reading, so that I don't have to talk to anyone about it, they already just know... Yes, I firmly believe that Ethel is my future self, if I am not careful. If I allow myself to become a bitter, older person.
     So, knowing all this about Ethel, I plan to take everything she says with a grain of salt, know that she is at least nice to my face, and that if she ever follows through with joining us for queso sometime, it could be a really funny thing for my inner self-that only you know, dear readers. So as a person that knows all this, I also plan to pray for her, that I can continue to show kindness to her, despite the backlash I might face, pray for me dear readers, as my mission is right in my own backyard, so to speak...

To Be Blunt?

     If I'm being honest with myself, I am a blunt person. Nowadays, at least...
Is that really the best thing? Maybe, subtly worked for me when I was younger, now I'm a snarky sass ball/ force to be reckoned with when it comes to my opinion, if you're going to ask-well, I'll give it to you. I never mean to be mean, do I think I'm hysterically funny at all times? Why yes, yes I do. Do people that don't know me take me the wrong way? All the time...I should probably come with a translating guide, for those that don't understand when I switch into my snarky sarcastic comments, but do I? Why no, no I do not...

     Also readers, I'm terribly sorry I haven't blogged in quite a while, I've been busy working-back at the same bakery I had previously had the 9.5 year on & off again relationship with-we're back on-I'm retraining myself, and training a bunch of new people, while again looking for the dream local paralegal job...Also, I've had lovely people I've been trying to reconnect with, and be a better friend to, in general....

     The book! Getting there slowly, I've found wonderful people to help me edit, myself, yet stay true to the blog, which is where my global fan base is, so I want to keep you all happy with my short essay-ish memoir...Stay tuned!



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Disability Expert?

     PEOPLE! Just because I have Cerebral Palsy, a disability, Anxiety and Depression, which are debilitating given the right day...Does not mean I know everyone's disabilities, ailments, diseases, nor injuries. So if you approach me in church to ask me if someone's son is mentally challenged? and I say "yeah?" That's really a "I don't know Lady/Sir, ask them! I am not Professor X, and I do not have a Cerebro to tell me what ails them. Nor do I consider myself a mutant, in the first place!" I give my Ma credit for the X-men analogy, and I am just a fan, referencing the character, for purposes of a blog.

     So no, I am not a disability expert, nor do I claim to be. I was just put in another awkward situation, where I didn't say half of what I wanted to...Again leading me to take this opportunity to make up for the missed opportunity on Easter Sunday of all days...

     And another thing! What in the world is wrong with a couple wanting to dance in a mall to the music? As long as they're not knocking people over, which my Grandpa & Grandma K, never did, I always thought it cute of them to still be dancing all those years later...And although both have passed, it's how I remember them, and think of the two together again.

     Basically, I needed to rant on Easter, so I did so in writing...

     Working on my memoir, FYI...

Linds-isms

1. What does it matter which way the toilet paper rolls, as long as it's there?

2.Old roommate's guy buddy: "Lindsay, did you go skydiving?
    Me: " No, I had to do laundry." *Silence*

Texts to my Mom


" U still workin? Did u run away and  join the circus? All the above? Wait 48 hrs before sending out search party?"

"So there I was bent over the tub, washing my hair, when I feel something furry on my lower back skin. I think it must be an escaped tarantula-NO-it's Trampy! Haha"

"Horror movies-those two-called it! I'll just use both of them as human shields, in case anyone asks...haha"

"Was her energy happy or ready to kick booty about it?"

"#Womaniningthephones, teehee"

"Going to eat lunch then pay car insurance,den cleaning/laundry-look at my responsible adulting"

"Also I'm parked in your spot-Don't hit Dorian..."

Random Number 3

Dear Readers,
In my semi-employed substitute E.A. state, I keep applying to jobs that are more suited to my background-Criminology & Criminal Justice, and Sociology as well as a Paralegal certificate...I think I've actually found one that fits my background, and I'm trying not to have too many other random interviews, because I really think I have a shot. I also seem to want to devastate myself if they don't choose me.
     Am I getting my hopes up? Am I praying early and praying often? The answer to these two questions is most likely yes, and yes. Not to sound too depressing, but if someone allegedly held a gun up to your head at 12, you were scared into having a mole removed by a dermatologist at the age of 13 or 14, because they said it COULD be cancerous (It wasn't-but the mere thought), find out you're allergic to fentanyl -the hard way (seizure) when you are in "brain-exploding" pain (blood clots/bleeding on the brain-so kind of) you might be skeptical too.
     The point to all that, to prove I'm still alive, and whether or not I get the job, life will go on. It just might suck exponentially if I don't. I know God has a plan, I will trust it. Maybe I'll be shown yet another path to go down, as it seems THAT is the true story of my life...Either that or always coming back to a choir of some sort, the music always draws me near, it's how I connect to places, people, and memories, besides the making a joyful noise to the  Lord bit, of course.
     Yes, music seems to be how I make friends in strange places, how I either get people to like me, or hate me. It also gives me something to listen to, identify with, and all around find common ground with people about.
     No, that will not stop me writing "I'm Just Not Drunk Enough to Deal With This Right Now". No, I don't have a drinking problem, I believe that might be part of my problem as to why I have no explanation to at least 50% of the things that happen to me. I will finish it, and it shall be glorious, and funny, and wonderful, and there shall be fan clubs based on my writings...Yes it will be awesome...


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Knickente

Dear Readers,
Yesterday, I bought a teal male betta, and named him Knickente, or the German word for teal. So along with Trampus the dog, we now have a wet and scaly roomie in Knickente. I don't know why a fish tank is so calming, but for me they are, or at least they always have been. I mean the dog was a gift to my mother,which I do not recommend pets as gifts, but luckily my mama is some kind of animal expert when it comes to dogs,cats, and fish, something, I hope that in all my years of fish, cats, dogs, hamsters, and frogs, has been passed down to me.
     This fish though, is my fishy, and I am responsible for him. Just as I am responsible for Dorian "Silver" Gray, My HHR(a smaller-sized SUV). Tramp is more the roomie that eats your food if left unattended. Yes, that is also right, I gave my car a guy's name, why? Because not all cars can be female, nor do they have to be female, girl power! I was born in the 80's, with majority of my childhood in the 90's the years of the Spice Girls, boy bands, and oh, so many hair ties, after all...
     Where was I going with this? Oh yes, introduction to my fishy, right...Well readers, we shall see how this goes, really hoping I can keep another life, however wet and scaly, alive, at least long enough for him to not feel confined to his pet-store, betta transporter, but that he is free! To move about his lil' 1 gallon fish bowl...

That is all for now,
Linds

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Random Number 2...

Dear Readers,
I write to you a lil' before 5:30am to tell you a true story-like all the others...
One of my high school friends from freshman year, "Ed", did ask me out- I quickly turned him down gently. Why you ask? Because he was gay, and no, I am not a male. Not to mention I was obsessed with a sophomore that got me threatened with expulsion my first day due to sexual harassment, which I didn't do, he was asking a bunch of questions, but oh, young love...Story for another blog...
      Anyways, why did he? Because Ed was dating a terrible junior by the name of "Bekah" who was the older sister of a terrible girl in the freshman class by the name of "Jessie". Ed was allegedly getting bothered for sex constantly, if not forcing him to have said sex with Bekah, in other words, rape, possibly, without me knowing what really went on. Anywho, I turned him down, upon him coming out to me, explaining all this to me, and then asking me to be his girlfriend. I told him it sounded like he just needed to break up with her, not because of me, and tell her the truth.
     Well kids, that week went by, and the high school football game was at home. Ed was not there, nor my older brother the senior, I was alone with my friends, right? Wrong, Bekah and Jessie showed up, mad at me...Why, you may ask? Ed told her/Bekah, that he broke up with her, because he liked me, and I wouldn't go out with him until he broke up with her. LIES, ALL LIES...Bekah was wanting to kick my ass, so I explained to her that he had lied, I said that he had broken up with her, because of her, and that I was only interested in him as a friend, and what reason did I have to lie to her, as she was CLEARLY bigger than me(not picking up on the dis), and COULD kick my ass. She still thought I was lying to her, started calling me a lesbian (HA! Clueless) so my bestie at the time, spoke up and re-emphasized that point, that there was no reason to fight, she/bekah would win, and she/my bestie, knew, I only liked him as a friend, and oh, by the way, he's gay...She/Bekah walked away crying...
     Little did I know, that my bestie outing Ed, was not the best situation, but it saved me getting an ass kicking, besties do what they gots to do...

     That is all for now Dear Readers...Another story that's been circulating in my brain...now on the internet. No the outing is not why we, Ed and I, stopped being friends, he was actually the first person to invite me to Facebook, we stayed in touch the summer after high school graduation, but I went on to college, and he had a jealous boyfriend....I don't deal with those...

Bring a Friend

Dear Readers, Family, and Friends,
I get this phrase a lot, there are some that genuinely mean a friend, others that mean a date, that secret boyfriend I seem to be hiding from everyone, even me...Or on occasion-my mother (granted I was blessed with one of "the cool Moms"). Crap, even I say it at my game nights, just so you have someone to talk among yourselves with, that you know, so that your guests feel more comfortable. I know that's what people mean when they say that for game nights.
     Then there are weddings, where the phrase being repeated to you is "bring a friend"...where it is explained to you that your friends from high school, college, work, mutual or wherever, MAY or MAY NOT be there to dance the night away with,and they don't want you to be lonely, so with all the good intentions that exist exuding from them, they repeat to you, No, you CAN BRING A FRIEND, meaning bring a damn date-Linds, we all know you're hiding a secret boyfriend, even from yourself...

Let's face it, put yourself in my position, all my friends are either: A. Hosting, B. YOU ALREADY INVITED THE MUTUAL ONES YOU WANT TO SEE, C. Are even more terrified of meeting new people-than I am, yes, I'm the extrovert like that, D. Already have plans, E. Out of the Country(sometimes for extended periods of time), F. Are married (opt. kids to take care of),G. I DON"T HAVE A BOYFRIEND-SECRET, KNOWN, REAL, nor IMAGINARY (all my guy friends are either working, single and like it, not interested in me like that, married with optional kids to take care of, live no where near me or are gay-and married to some guy, or have plans, live no where near me...)
     So basically, if you invite me, you get just me, no this is not based on any one person, no I am not pissed, as I stated I even say it, just to make my peeps more comfortable, but the above paragraph are where my mind goes, when my mouth says otherwise, or my fingers type another thing, I thought even those friends and family this is about would find this freaking hilarious-please don't be offended, this is just me being all "self-love" and single with some possible slight bitterness mixed in. Remember to laugh it off as such.
I love you all,
Linds