Feelin' Down...

     I know, I know, really upbeat title but the fact of the matter is, I am feeling a bit down, not suicidal or anything, just down...

     Like not even the thought of  a Zumba class with one of my best friends from my school days was enough to get me out of the house, even though I really needed to go, weighing in at approximately two hundred pounds give or take a few...

     My work contract is up Friday, and I have felt like I'd grown very comfortable and am going to GENUINELY miss everyone there that I have come into contact with there...As in I cried during my eval in front of my direct supervisor, and not a pretty cry, I mean the tears streaming down, snot involuntarily flowing, bubbling out, ugly crying...What makes it worse is that I have absolutely no job lined up for yours truly. So right now, I'm just worried about going through my savings quickly while waiting for callbacks.
    
     I'm the kind of person that likes being independent...As much as one can with mild CP and having had blood clots and bleeding on the brain, that did nothing for the already shaky body I inhabit.

     That brings me too, dimly lit parking lots with dark pavement at night are getting disorienting, and I can't afford to break anything so I'm starting to avoid certain activities, which is never good, and I know that it is as simple as admitting that I need a parking tag, but to someone who, like me has been SO independent as far as movement, and being able to do what I want, I  sniff the ever-wretched waft of defeat in the air. Does anyone else ever have that problem, being too damn stubborn to just get the tag, or whatever the tag is for you? Surely it can't be just me...

     I know it's been a while, but there's a start, trying to figure out the rest, for later blogs...