The 2018 Christmas Season

I've been thinking...My family is my family, my friends have shown themselves this year, I love them dearly , Those that have shown themselves to not be friends, I still wish them the best, as I know it's not good to harbor ill-will towards others, and I genuinely am indifferent about them as they are towards me...I know I am fully capable of holding a grudge, but do not even harbor ill-will against my Father, instead I pray someday he comes to his senses-gives up the strong political stances-he has not, hence as a 29 year old woman, I choose to distance myself, from someone who verbally, mentally and emotionally was abusive as a child and a teenager.

No, I still hold strong that someday I really will get world peace, however brief, I will get it. The creepers of the world will get help that is needed, and stop creepin' on me...That day however, is far from today I believe.

I wish all of you dear readers, a Merry Christmas, do not forget the true reason for the season, but rather, focus on all he did and wished for the world, peace and love for one another.

#NoMoR

     Dear Readers,
So some other things occurred to me today...

      I really do enjoy Sunday School teaching! I have a great group of youths in my class, and overall, no problems...Everyone keeps asking me if I do, so just thought I'd clear the air on that topic.

     World CP day was yesterday October 6th, 2018, I didn't wear green, I plum forgot to write a blog post, so I scrambled after I got home from work and just made a status saying that I have CP on FB.

     Then I got to thinking about everything I say after Pastor's sermon on "Taming the Tongue" How often do I respond to hatred with hatred, anger with more anger, knowing full well that two wrongs simply do not make a right, not even when someone uses the dreaded "R"-word against me, should I retort, or gossip about them now, about a word that they were having with a mutual friend while I was on a staircase at the mutual friends house, my Freshman year of College. Did I tell one person about this young woman doing this, no, after she stopped in the bakery this past week, as if she didn't even know my name, let alone what she had called me, I was enraged by this and told everyone at the bakery, as well as all of you now...

     Is there any sort of #MeToo movement for the "R" word, are people that say "Retard/ed", are their lives ruined, reputations tarnished, branded as evil,fired from jobs...The answer is no. These people are laughed with, make up part of a mob mentality that lingers on, that is hateful towards the disabled, that's the mentality that leads to people being beaten simply because THEY ARE Disabled.

AND NO, I am not saying that being sexually assaulted and being disabled are one in the same, just saying there is not enough being done for other oppressed groups, and while yes while I do stand in support of those women and men that have been hurt, we are leaving out a group of individuals that in certain circumstances cannot advocate for themselves...

Observations October 5th, 2018

     Hello readers,
So it's been at least a month if not longer since I typed you...We are now in October, 2018, the month where "slutty whores" can dress up as, well, their "true colors" shall we say, and where I am racking my brain trying to figure out how to get " The Sloth" onesie into my Board of Youth "Owl" you need is Jesus Trunk or Treat theme...Speaking of which, if you have any ideas on how to tie the two together, lemme know!

     It also occurred to me that while I love the bakery, I need to step out on my own once again, doing cold calls and trying to find someone who just might hire a non-bilingual paralegal... With about a year of experience...

     I also cannot be a binge watcher because, well, I've got too much crap going on to do so, however, I'm finding the good in TV and social media and using it to distract myself from my real issues...Which then allows me to work on said issues say, Daddy issues for example, in therapy, with a unbiased professional...

     Basically I'm still the same ol' Linds, you've all come to know, that's finally starting to get to the root of the problem, and am starting to come to terms with the stuff that I cannot control...

July Flying By...

     I am just FULL of realizations today, dear readers...Like how we are almost halfway through the month, and I have yet to blog something. So, here ya are!

     I have gotten a full-time job in an office setting, worked two days, then gotten "let go", luckily I still have the ever wonderfully weird Bakery to fall back on...A bicycling event is stopping in town, I will not be a part of it, just probably selling donuts and the like, at the beloved bakery in town. I've had almost a complete turnover of mental health care providers, so yes, I have been having much "fun" with that-trying to get appointments set up. Lately I've attended garden art fairs and book sales, been reading ( I like to have at least 6 books going at once), relaxation afternoons with a friend, missional community-FOR CHURCH...training at work, eating, sleeping, repeating, and trying to stay altogether while trying to figure out what to write in my draft of my memoir next...Not to mention preparing for vacation bible school at the church later this month, as well as being a Sunday School Teacher later this fall, praying with all my might, that everything will be made clear for me, and that it happens sooner rather than later...

     So if you have any ideas on what to write next-I'd love to hear them!

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Slow Down

     So for those who don't know, the sloth is my spirit animal, if there is such a thing? Don't think I seriously believe in spirit animals, I believe as a LCMS Lutheran, I believe that although I am a sinner, that Jesus died for my sins, and have a firm belief in the Trinity...
     But if there were spirit animals, the sloth would be mine. Slow, relaxed, in thought process and decision making, as I aim to be...Not to say that I don't make rash decisions at times, am impulsive, two of my many sins, at times. But then again, if we're all being honest with ourselves, aren't we all.
      It also occurred to me that more often than not, I am rushing to get places, driving from point A to point B, and often hitting every red light, as if they were out to get me. Knowing full well, that if I refer back to my beliefs, I will know it is God's way of telling me to slow down,  the world will not end, even if I am in fact, a few minutes late...(Not a hour and 20 minutes late, like some at work, just a few.)Even though it stresses my anxious and depressed mind out to no end, that it will not be the death of me. Take the time to get there, or end up doing something I shouldn't have and winding up in an accident,or worse, really have it be the death of me...
      How often do we rush around this world, without slowing down to stop and take it all in? Say "Thank you" or "I love you" to those we work with, that are around us, or care about? That's just it, I'm only human, and I seem to err all the dang time...I'm not saying a constant stream of loving messages should be spewed, but every once in a while couldn't hurt.

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Random Number 4

     I woke up today, to be reminded of my first time being asked back to the bakery...
A mansplaining dude (and I mean a dude, younger, long haired hippy, as my Grandfather would have described him...) comes in the bakery...

      Now, said dude, had apparently almost had an accident with my prior elderly female customer, on the way over, and said dude, flipped her off, to express his frustration/anger, with the lady. Dude also mansplained that he was fearful, as he saw her come in twice ( once to get product, the other looking for her sunglasses) since he had in fact flipped her off on his way in.

     Me: "Well, if you're not prepared to deal with consequences, maybe you shouldn't flip people off, the reason she came back was to look for her sunglasses. (that were on her forehead, the entire time...)"

     Dude then mansplained that I had offended him, judged him, and wanted to talk to my manager...So I got her, explained what I had said, then let him mansplain, his butthurt story to my now former manager...She basically stated what I had, and that seemed to satisfy said victim mind set  dude, and he left...


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Belonging

     So for those of you that know, I went to a gathering for some of the ladies at my church. A good portion of the time spent was focused on getting to know each other outside of church, a wonderful idea I might add. But something I had to get off my chest, when it comes to belonging at a church, there was a time I felt I didn't belong, even at my church...Let me explain.
     
     My Father was still in the household, and I felt obligated to go on Christmas Eve and Easter as a teenager, but otherwise, I was almost banished from church, I felt like, there were families that always greeted me, asking why I wasn't in Sunday School, or the youth groups, and to be honest, I never knew why, other than it didn't fit into my Father's plans...I had to go directly home, get a letter grade on my behavior at church, and then a second, unofficial sermon, one that pointed out what my father disagreed with...Gee, what 16-17 year-old wouldn't want that???

     As a child, we didn't have a church in Ames, and if we went, my dad, sometimes had to drag me and my bicycle up hills quite literally, as I was about to drop, from exhaustion, it felt like...Yes Mom and Brother took the air-conditioned car, I had to bike, with my Father. I was baptized at my Mother's Lutheran church in Des Moines as a baby, and for some reason, had negative views of physically going to church growing up.

     It wasn't until my Sophomore year of college, while living on campus, and literally, down some steps and across the street, and down a hill, that I started going to the church, on my own there, went to the college age meetings, and had my preconceived notions bout why those groups were created, that offended some, and I was once again, a baptized Lutheran, feeling shunned.

     Fast Forward a few years, I was out of school, my parents had separated, and I was going to church,my current church, when I wasn't saving the other half of the week from utter chaos at work...I got bold and after a time & talent sermon, decided to give the parish choir a try. I was welcomed in,  as you'll know my joining choirs, was where I most often laid down the groundwork for friendships. These developed, and then I was asked to join the youth board, and I wan't even a full fledged member of the church in my own right, after that I was selected to be a district YWR, and I'd never even gone through Confirmation, so Pastor quickly got me through adult Confirmation, and then maybe a month later I was the only YWR from the Boone Zone at the district convention, where I worshiped, fellowshiped, and got a standing ovation for my performance as "Nervous Nell, I've stayed active in the choir, when my schedule allows, and am trying to get back into working with the youth and education realms, where as a child/teenager, I was lacking in my spiritual growth...Do I feel like I belong now? Of course, and it's not that I ever felt shunned by the congregation from coming, but more not allowed by my Father...