1. What does it matter which way the toilet paper rolls, as long as it's there?
2.Old roommate's guy buddy: "Lindsay, did you go skydiving?
Me: " No, I had to do laundry." *Silence*
Texts to my Mom
" U still workin? Did u run away and join the circus? All the above? Wait 48 hrs before sending out search party?"
"So there I was bent over the tub, washing my hair, when I feel something furry on my lower back skin. I think it must be an escaped tarantula-NO-it's Trampy! Haha"
"Horror movies-those two-called it! I'll just use both of them as human shields, in case anyone asks...haha"
"Was her energy happy or ready to kick booty about it?"
"Going to eat lunch then pay car insurance,den cleaning/laundry-look at my responsible adulting"
"Also I'm parked in your spot-Don't hit Dorian..."