Sunday, May 10, 2015

About Mental Illness

So I decided to take this post to explain something from my previous post...Not  only do I have CP, yes, I also have anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed with those two at 23. I made plans to take my life at 24. This was after my parents had separated, my last two biological grandparents had passed away, I had left my first major related job, was in between medications, was feeling alone,isolated from my friends, and thought I had nowhere to turn, but to death. I thought no one would miss me anyways...I couldn't just drink my troubles away like a normal person-as I had a medication I was supposed to take as needed...I had made plans to either take all the pills I had been taking for the last year or so, or to drive off a bridge, before the rail began. I later rationalized that both plans would be unsuccessful and just result in me living a more miserable existence. The pills might not kill me, just cause permanent damage...The drive off the bridge, might just injure, or kill someone else, I thought to myself...However, it was not until I talked to my Mother about my plans that I was convinced I still had a purpose-I just didn't know what it was yet.
It took me later being hospitalized and forced into treatment, to figure out what that was. I knew I was here to do good. This later involved me being on the right regular medication, it involves me getting my paralegal certificate, it involves me writing this blog. It involves me reaching out to those friends I had drifted away from, making new friends out of those I was around.It involved me growing spiritually.
I strongly encourage anyone who has felt the way I did to seek treatment, before it is too late. There is always a purpose to your life, you just may not know what it is yet, be strong and figure it out.

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